Time To Reinvent: Beverley Glazer
If you’ve spent decades chasing achievement, approval, and doing it all, you might be stuck in a gold star addiction and midlife is your chance to break free.
I have a confession! Regardless of all the inner work, the accomplishments, the achievements and the years I’ve spent helping women to rise this still happens. When a bright, up-and-coming younger woman shares her bold ideas and opinions, suddenly that familiar question rings in my ear.
“Am I Really Good Enough?”
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not envious. I’m not threatened. I love nothing more than watching women step into their brilliance. I teach this. I live this. But, if you’re a high-achieving woman in midlife or beyond, I’m willing to bet you’ve heard yourself saying the same thing.
That inner voice is primal. No matter how evolved we are, there’s a lifetime of conditioning that lies beneath the surface and until we label it, it prevents us from moving forward.
We’re addicted to achieving ‘gold stars’.
The Gold Star Addiction Begins – When Self-Worth Is Tied To Success:
If you’re like most driven women, you were raised on invisible rules:
- Be nice.
- Be helpful.
- Don’t make waves.
- Put everyone’s needs before your own.
And when we followed those rules, we were rewarded with praise, with approval and belonging. We learned that our worth was connected to our usefulness. So, we got busy proving it to ourselves.
We became the A-students, the caregivers, the planners, the ones who could handle anything. Our lives were polished, productive and perfectly performed. And it worked. We earned those metaphorical gold stars: the degrees, the promotions, the “I don’t know how you do it” admiration.
We became experts at performing the role of the capable woman. But once midlife kicks in everything shifts.
The Gold Stars Stop Coming:
No one tells you that the applause will die down.
You stop being seen as “aspiring” and become “reliable.” The dependable one; the mentor, the rock. The one other people turn to, but rarely ask about. You’re still doing it all, still holding it all together, but now the very things that used to light you up start feeling like obligations. And the same routines, roles, and expectations that once earned you respect now feel stifling.
Gold Stars Become Gold Chains:
Those invisible gold stars stop motivating you and feel like pressure. They keep you locked in outdated roles. They make you afraid to slow down, rest, or pivot, even when something inside you knows you’ve outgrown what used to fit. They tell you you’ll lose your place if you stop performing; that you’ll disappear if you stop doing.
I know this because I’ve lived it too.
How The Gold Star Addiction Shows Up In Real Life:
Let me be fully transparent, I didn’t arrive at this clarity without a few bruises. I’ve powered through illness. I’ve worked when I could barely hold my head up. I’ve said, ‘yes’ when my body was screaming ‘no’. I’ve had moments, literal, physical warning signs. One day, my face swelled up so badly I looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize myself. And still, my first thought was: “I can’t cancel. I can’t let other people down.”
That’s how deeply ingrained the performance loop is. But a Gold Star Addiction, doesn’t need to stay.
How To Break The Gold Star Addiction:
You don’t have to overhaul your life to break the chains. It starts with small but radical shifts.
Try these:
✅ Say No Without A Reason:
Just say it, no need for an explanation. “No” is a complete sentence and a powerful one.
✅ Notice When You Shrink:
When you notice you soften your opinion, or downplay your success, pause. That’s you cue to claim your voice. Your voice matters.
✅ Break The Applause Addiction:
If no one notices, are you still proud of yourself? That’s the test. Your worth isn’t measured by the volume of praise it’s anchored in your self-worth.
✅ Ask Yourself:
Who am I when I’m not trying to impress anyone?
That’s where the real gold is. Not in the stars. In your truth.
You’ve Earned The Next Chapter:
You don’t need another title, another achievement, or another round of applause. You’re not here to keep performing in a role that no longer fits. You’re here to expand, evolve and decide what life looks like from here forward.
And you don’t need anyone’s permission. You’ve done enough. You are enough. And your next chapter? It isn’t about proving anything to anyone. It’s about coming home to yourself fully, unapologetically, and on your terms.
Midlife is the time to stop chasing stars and to shine freely and brilliantly as you are.
P.S. Checkout the free resources available below.
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