Kim Muench, Becoming Me Thought Leader
If you’re trying to help an adult child stuck in gaming and weed addiction, you are not alone—and there are steps you can take to guide them back to real life with love and boundaries.
Q: “My 25-year-old, college educated son is addicted to gaming and weed. He lives at home, sleeps all day, stays up all night, showers only periodically when I nag him to do it. He says he is looking for a job but hasn’t even had an interview. This is not what I signed up for when he moved back in. Help!”
First, take a breath. You are not alone. More and more parents are grappling with this exact issue. You raised a smart, capable son who graduated college—so you know the potential is there. But right now, he’s stuck. Really stuck. And it’s driving you absolutely bananas.
6 Steps To Help An Adult Child Stuck in Gaming and Weed Addiction:
What you’re seeing isn’t just laziness. It’s avoidance. Numbing. Disconnection. And yes, addiction—not just to gaming and weed, but to the safety of avoiding the real world. He’s lost in place, and your home has become the escape hatch.
“What you’re seeing isn’t just laziness. It’s avoidance.”
But there is a way forward—one that doesn’t involve screaming, threats, or throwing him out tomorrow (unless you feel unsafe). It begins with you reclaiming your role, not as the fixer, but as a guide with clear expectations and loving boundaries.
Let’s break it down.
1. Shift Your Mindset From Rescue To Reality:
You cannot make your son change. You can’t control whether he gets a job, showers, or turns off the Xbox. But you can control what it means to live in your home. You can stop making it so comfortable to stay stuck. The term “depression den” has gained traction for a reason.
This starts with a mindset shift: “I love you deeply. But I will no longer participate in helping you avoid your life.” Read that again. Say it out loud if you need to. You are not abandoning him. You are inviting him to rise.
2. Have The Hard Conversation:
This isn’t a one-and-done talk. It’s a series of calm, direct conversations anchored in love and clarity. Here’s one way to begin:
“I want to talk with you about what it means to be an adult in this home. Right now, things aren’t working. I know you’re capable of more, and I’m no longer willing to pretend this is okay.”
Expect defensiveness. Expect deflection. He might say:
- “I’m trying!”
- “There are no jobs!”
- “You don’t understand what it’s like.”
Don’t argue. Just stay calm:
“I get that this is hard. I’m not here to fight. I’m here to tell you I believe in you. But moving forward, there are going to be expectations if you want to live here.”
He has to feel your confidence in his ability, hear the clarity in your voice, and see your words and actions are in alignment.
3. Set The Boundaries:
Start simple and focus on what you will and won’t do. Boundaries are not rules for him—they’re limits for you.
Examples:
- “We expect everyone living here to be up during the day and contributing, either through work, school, or a clear job search plan.”
- “We will no longer fund your lifestyle without seeing consistent progress toward independence.”
- “Gaming will not happen overnight in this home. The Wi-Fi will be turned off between 11 p.m. and 8 a.m.”
- “If weed is being used in this house, we need a conversation about what role it plays in your life.”
You might also say:
“We’re going to give this structure a trial period of 30 days. If nothing changes, we will be looking at other options, including whether living here is the right fit.”
You’re not delivering ultimatums. You’re offering a fork in the road.
4. Expect Pushback And Stay Grounded:
He may rage. He may guilt-trip. He may sulk. He may even promise change for a few days, then slide back. This is all part of the process. It doesn’t mean your boundaries aren’t working. It means they are.
Your job? Stay consistent. Stay kind. Don’t take the bait. Don’t debate the rules. And don’t backtrack just because he has a bad day. If he refuses to talk about next steps or meet basic expectations, calmly remind him: “I understand this is upsetting. I’m still holding the boundary. You can choose how to respond.”
5. Offer Support, Not Solutions:
He may need help taking steps forward—but let him do the heavy lifting.
- Send him a list of local therapists or job resources.
- Offer to help draft a resume if he asks.
- Suggest a coaching program or support group for emerging adults.
But do not do it for him. Let him know: “I’m happy to support your effort—not your avoidance.”
6. Take Care Of Yourself:
You can’t anchor a boat that doesn’t want to float. And you can’t help him rise if you’re sinking.
Make sure you have:
- A therapist, coach, or support group of your own
- A place to process the grief and frustration
- Time carved out for rest, hobbies, laughter
You are doing big emotional labor. Don’t do it alone.
“You are doing big emotional labor. Don’t do it alone.
Final Thought:
Your son isn’t broken. He’s just scared, unmotivated, and untethered. Gaming and weed are his escape hatches. You can’t close them for him—but you can close the gap between your love and your limits.
The truth? He probably won’t thank you at first. But one day, he might say: “Thanks for believing in me enough to stop making it easy to stay stuck.”
And that? That will make every boundary, every tear, every sleepless night—worth it. You’ve got this.
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About the Author:
Kim Muench (pronounced minch, like pinch with an “m”) is a Jai (rhymes with buy) Institute for Parenting Certified Conscious Parenting Coach who specializes in working with mothers of adolescents (ages 10+). Knowing moms are the emotional barometer in their families, Kim is passionate about educating, supporting and encouraging her clients to raise their children with intention and guidance rather than fear and control. Kim’s three plus decades parenting five children and years of coaching other parents empowers her to lead her clients into healthier, happier, more functional relationships with compassion and without judgment.
You can find out more about her mission and services at www.reallifeparentguide.com. She is on Facebook at Real Life Parent Guide, Instagram, and on LinkedIn as well. For additional support and encouragement, consider joining Kim’s group specifically supporting parents of emerging adults 18-30. They meet twice a week online. Check it out here.
