How To Reinvent Yourself After 40: Ask Empowering Questions, Stop Complaints

Midlife Reinvention Thought Leader: Yvonne Marchese

If you’re like me, you’ve probably spent way too much time asking yourself things like: Why can’t I lose weight? or Why do I always mess things up?

Sound familiar? If you’re nodding along, I’ve got news for you—those kinds of questions are not helping you move forward. In fact, they’re probably keeping you stuck.

Reinvent Yourself:

For a long time, I felt like life was happening to me. I was in my forties, constantly telling myself that I was getting old (I know, dramatic much?) Everything felt hard. I was stuck in a job I hated, and it seemed like there was no way out. And let’s be real—I was in full-on victim mode.

Then one day, I was chatting with a friend on the phone, and it hit me: Every single thing that came out of my mouth was a complaint. I started to listen to myself after that conversation and realized I was complaining a lot. It was like I was living in a fog of negativity. (Fun, right?)

“One of the most powerful tools I’ve discovered is the art of asking empowering questions.”

So, what did I do? Well, I decided to try something radical. I gave up complaining for Lent. Yes, you read that right. Who knew 40 days of no complaining would be so hard?!

In the process, I realized something that totally shook me: It wasn’t just the words I was saying out loud that were negative; my thoughts were just as bad, and they were rampant–running around my brain like toddlers with scissors.

It was like I had a constant radio station of complaints playing in the background of my brain, and I didn’t know how to tune it out.

How To Reinvent Yourself After 40 – Ask Empowering Questions:

I also went on a quest to figure out how to manage my mind better. One of the most powerful tools I’ve discovered is the art of asking empowering questions. I first came across this idea through Brooke Castillo of The Life Coach School Podcast, and it was a game-changer for me.

Our brains are wired to look for answers to the questions we pose. So if we ask disempowering questions, our brains will dutifully serve up answers that reinforce negativity.

Let me tell you—changing the questions I was asking myself led to a whole new me. I started becoming more aware of the questions I was asking myself and how they shaped my perception of what was possible.

Shifting From Disempowering To Empowering Questions:

Here are some examples of questions with a negative bias:

• Why can’t I lose weight? (Your brain might answer: Because you have no willpower.)
• Why do I always do that? (Because you’re stuck in your ways.)
• Why can’t I ever seem to get ahead? (Because life is just unfair.)

See the pattern? These kinds of questions assume there’s no way forward and keep us stuck in a loop of frustration.

Instead of asking “Why is this so hard?” or “Why can’t I ever get ahead?” I started asking myself empowering questions like:

• “What small act of courage can I take today to build my confidence?
• “How can I contribute to making the world a better place in my own way?”
• “How can I show kindness to myself today?”

What Changed My Perspective:

You wouldn’t believe how much those simple shifts changed my perspective. It’s not about expecting perfection (I still catch myself complaining or feeling anxious), but I now have tools to redirect my thoughts when they start going off track. I can catch myself mid-complaint and say, “Okay, Yvonne, let’s reframe this.” It’s a lot more fun, too.

So, why am I telling you all this? Because I believe that asking yourself the right questions is one of the most powerful tools you have for reinvention, no matter where you are in life. Whether you’re in midlife, dealing with an empty nest, or just wondering what’s next, the questions you ask yourself can unlock the transformation you’re craving. But you’ve got to start with the right ones.

“I believe that asking yourself the right questions is one of the most powerful tools you have for reinvention, no matter where you are in life”

Embracing Reinvention:

Here’s the thing: We can’t always control our circumstances, but we can control the way we think about them. And when you start asking empowering questions, your brain will automatically start looking for solutions. It’s kind of like you’re telling your brain, “Hey, let’s find a way to make this better.”

Embracing reinvention, chasing new dreams, and tackling big challenges—It all starts with the questions you ask yourself.

So, next time you catch yourself asking, “Why can’t I…?” try flipping it to something more empowering. Maybe something like, “What’s one small thing I can do today to change this?” or “What if I’m capable of more than I think?” Your brain will thank you for it.

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