Midlife Dating: Laurie Gerber
Let’s be real: dating can be thrilling but comes with risks.
Whether you’re meeting someone new from a popular dating app, getting set up by a mutual friend, or taking a chance on someone from your social circle, it’s essential to stay safe.
12 Essential Safety Guidelines For Smart Dating:
The world of modern dating offers amazing opportunities, but it also requires smart decision-making. You wouldn’t leave your financial information lying around, so why wouldn’t you protect yourself in the dating scene too?
Here’s how to ensure your dating life stays secure while still having fun:
1. Follow Your Instincts—They’re There for A Reason:
If something feels off, trust that gut feeling. If a potential partner is reluctant to meet in a public place, avoids answering basic questions, or refuses to share any details about their real life, consider it a red flag. A genuine person who wants a long-term relationship won’t be secretive.
2. Video Chat Before Meeting Up:
One of the best ways to verify a person’s identity is to video chat before meeting. Whether it’s a new match from an online dating site or someone introduced through a mutual friend, a quick video call helps confirm that they are who they say they are. Online dating scams often rely on avoiding face-to-face interactions.
A video call allows you to:
✅ See if their dating profile matches reality.
✅ Pick up on body language and conversational cues.
✅ Avoid getting caught up in fake accounts or romance scams.
3. Do A Little Background Research:
Before you go on that first date, take a few minutes to look up their social media. Check for inconsistencies—do their social media profiles align with what they’ve told you? Do they have any connections to your social circle? If there’s little information available, it might be a sign to proceed cautiously. Reverse image search is another tool that can help weed out fake profiles.
4. Keep Personal Information Private:
The first couple of dates are for getting to know each other, not for sharing your home address, last name, or financial information. Until you’ve built trust, avoid revealing any details that could put you at risk. Some potential dates may seem charming but might have ulterior motives.
Never share:
❌ Bank accounts or credit card details.
❌ Social security number.
❌ Email address linked to financial data.
❌ Personal home address.
5. Always Meet In A Public Setting:
A daytime meeting in a coffee shop, restaurant, or park is the safest setting for a first-time meeting. Never invite someone to your home or go to theirs on the first date. Public places mean an easy exit and that you are surrounded by lots of people, so you feel safe.
6. Share Your Plans With A Friend:
Before heading out, tell a trusted friend or family member where you’re going and who you’re meeting. Some additional safety measures:
✅ Share your location in real time with a friend.
✅ Agree to check in with someone you love at a specific time.
✅ Establish a code word in case you need help.
7. Have Your Own Way To Get Home:
Having your own transportation helps you maintain control of your whereabouts. Don’t accept rides from your date, especially early on. If you feel uncomfortable, you should always have a quick and easy way to leave.
8. Limit Alcohol Consumption:
Alcohol can make it harder to assess a situation. If you choose to drink, keep an eye on your glass at all times and avoid having more than one. If you feel suddenly lightheaded or off, seek help immediately; you may have been drugged.
9. Never Send Money—No Matter The Story:
One of the most common online dating scams involves building trust and then asking for financial assistance. No matter how convincing their story sounds, do NOT:
❌ Send money to someone you’ve never met.
❌ Provide banking details or wire funds.
❌ Invest in cryptocurrency schemes or business ventures pitched by a new match.
Scammers use manipulation tactics to make victims feel guilty or responsible. If anyone starts requesting money, block them immediately from dating sites and social media.
10. Stay Aware Of Romance Scams:
Scammers are getting more advanced, often targeting single people who are serious about long-term relationships. Be wary if your potential match:
✅ Refuses video chats or avoids meeting in real life.
✅ Love-bombs you early, saying you’re their soulmate before even meeting.
✅ Gives excuses for why they can’t meet in person (military, overseas work, etc.).
If something feels too good to be true, it might be.
11. Be Cautious About Sexual Health Assumptions:
STDs don’t care about your age or inexperience! I know it’s hard to stop when you are hot and heavy but you must! Let the heat build.
Even if your date insists they are sexually healthy, confirm with actual medical records. Many people unknowingly spread STDs, so either get tested together or ask to see a recent test result before becoming intimate.
12. If They Dismiss Your Safety Concerns, They Are Not Your Person:
A person who respects you will also respect your boundaries. If a potential partner mocks your safety concerns, pressures you, or disregards your need to be cautious, they are not the right person for you. Mutual respect is a foundation for any healthy relationship.
Dating should be exciting and fun, not stressful or dangerous. Taking control of your safety is not paranoia; it’s smart dating.
Feeling safe makes you feel confident, and that is attractive. I hope these tips have helped you gain the courage to get out there and find love you want. You deserve it.
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About the Author:
Laurie Gerber is a love and dating coach with 20 years of experience working with couples, individuals and groups. She’s been featured widely in print, on TV, radio, podcasts and been the resident love expert at Match, Zoosk, Jdate, and more. Her dating advice can be found at lauriegerber.com
