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The Essential Question You Need To Ask Yourself

essential question

Sexuality Thought Leader: Beth Keil 

This isn’t a question we get asked, not even by our midwife, gynecologist, or other health advisor.

It’s not one we know to ask ourselves, but we must! Answering this question opens the door to deeper awareness and understanding. Not only of your body, but of being at home with yourself, as well as your past, present, and future relationships.

“I am an intuitive person, and her body spoke to me, sharing its messages.”

“Is Your Pussy Tight?”

It was during a conversation with a woman I know, that this question came up. (If you don’t like the word pussy, go ahead and change it to the one you do, and keep reading!)

The woman sitting before me held herself as if her entire body was tightly corseted. All of her was braced and guarded. I am an intuitive person, and her body spoke to me, sharing its messages. And, only with permission, to share. With permission to speak bluntly, I used the exact words her body used. The message I received, loud and clear, was her pussy was tight, braced, and guarded. Not only did this message not surprise her, she was physically aware of it.

She thought it was due to recent changes in her intimate relationship; from having sex five times a day, to none. She thought no longer being penetrated by her lover, she became tight. That was not the message from her body! “She feels abandoned.”

Her lover, by pulling away and distancing himself, triggered old fears and feelings of abandonment. That this experience led her pussy to be tight, made perfect sense! As a place of intimacy, surrender, and pleasure, it also can hold fear and trauma.


It wasn’t just her body’s messages that led me to recognize this pattern, but decades of working with women around issues of intimacy. Patterns are a way to explore the why behind the what. Patterns can only be seen from a higher perspective, and as such, give us greater meaning to what’s happening in our lives. Symptoms vary.

I worked with a woman referred by her gynecologist for vaginismus. Vaginismus is where the muscles of the vagina squeeze or spasm when something enters it, like a tampon or penis. Pain can range from slight discomfort to severe pain.

This particular woman wasn’t able to put something as small as a pencil inside her, let alone experience penetration with her partner. During the course of hypnotherapy, she came to understand how and why this wasn’t physical in nature (which was why her gynecologist referred her). Her pain resolved by working through decades-old subconscious fears around vulnerability and safety.


Birthing is another area of women’s lives where symptoms can show up.

Gayle Peterson, in her book, Birthing Normally, details the connection of a woman’s inner emotional world (which includes the subconscious) and her pregnancy, birth, and post-partum experience.

If a woman had experiences that impacted her sense of safety and security, they’d show up. Peterson even detailed when and how they’d show up. In her own way, Peterson was looking at how tight a woman was!

“If a woman had experiences that impacted her sense of safety and security, they’d show up.”

Claiming You:

How you ask the question, “Is your pussy tight?” doesn’t really matter. Asking the question is what is important!

When you do, you open the door to deeper awareness and understanding. Paying attention to and honoring your inner world, by listening to what’s showing up in your life, are all part of healing and transformation.


 Additional resources can be found in Beth’s bio below.

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Beth Keil

About the Author:

Beth Keil helps her clients change and transform their lives. She offers a special focus on helping people claim the birthright of their erotic identity and to live in the joy, intimacy, and connection it brings. Beth is a Registered Nurse, MindSet Coach, and a Board Certified Hypnotist. Through her work, she enjoys integrating all her interests, experiences, and skills to bring sensuality, sex, and the erotic into greater awareness and conversation. You can schedule a 30-minute complimentary phone consultation with Beth using the Discovery Session icon.