Kim Muench, Becoming Me Thought Leader
When you have college kids home for the holidays, it can bring joy, relief, and connection—along with unexpected tension as everyone readjusts.
If you’ve got a college kid coming home for the holidays, take a breath. I know the mix of feelings that can come with it—excitement, relief, anticipation… and a little tension.
I have a college kid coming home, too. Over the years, I’ve learned that the transition back under one roof can be more challenging than we expect. Not because anyone is doing something wrong, but because everyone has changed a little.
So instead of trying to make the holidays perfect, I focus on making them pleasant. Here are three things I keep in mind to help us all enjoy the time together.
College Kids Home for the Holidays–What’s Different
1. Remember: This Is Their Time Off Too
It’s tempting to fill the calendar the moment they walk through the door. Family dinners. Holiday traditions. Catch-ups with relatives. All of it comes from love.
But college life is intense. Finals, deadlines, social pressure, independence—it’s a lot. When they come home, they’re not just visiting. They’re decompressing.
So I try not to overschedule them. I let them sleep in. I let them relax. I let them do nothing for a bit.
That doesn’t mean we don’t spend time together. It just means I don’t expect every moment to look productive or meaningful. Rest is meaningful too.
2. Listen to Understand, Not to Respond
When our kids are away at college, they’re exposed to new ideas, new people, and new ways of seeing the world. Sometimes they come home sounding… different.
They may challenge beliefs you hold dear. They may express opinions that surprise you or even bother you. That can feel unsettling, especially when it seems to come out of nowhere.
When that happens, I remind myself to slow down and listen. Not to correct. Not to debate. Just to understand where they’re coming from.
You don’t have to agree with everything your child says to stay connected to them. But when they feel heard, they’re much more likely to stay open with you.
Connection matters more than winning a point.
3. Keep Expectations Low (and Grace High)
This one has saved me more times than I can count.
It’s easy to imagine cozy, meaningful holiday moments when your child comes home. And sometimes those moments happen. But sometimes they don’t.
Maybe they’re tired. Maybe they’re distracted. Maybe they don’t want to participate the way you hoped.
When I keep my expectations low, I give myself room to stay grounded. I’m less likely to feel disappointed. Less likely to take things personally. More able to enjoy what does show up.
Lower expectations don’t mean lower standards or less love. They mean more flexibility—and more peace.
A Final Thought
Your college kid coming home for the holidays isn’t a step backward. It’s a moment in an ongoing transition.
They’re not the same person they were when they left. And neither are you.
If you can meet them with patience, curiosity, and realistic expectations, you give the relationship room to breathe. And often, that’s when the best moments happen—quietly, unexpectedly, and without pressure.
You don’t need to make the holidays perfect. You just need to stay present.
Want to hear it straight from Kim?
Watch the original video that inspired this article and see how she breaks it down with clarity, compassion, and lived experience. Sometimes, a voice and a face say more than words on a page. Watch now:
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About the Author:
Kim Muench (pronounced minch, like pinch with an “m”) is a Jai (rhymes with buy) Institute for Parenting Certified Conscious Parenting Coach who specializes in working with mothers of adolescents (ages 10+). Knowing moms are the emotional barometer in their families, Kim is passionate about educating, supporting and encouraging her clients to raise their children with intention and guidance rather than fear and control. Kim’s three plus decades parenting five children and years of coaching other parents empowers her to lead her clients into healthier, happier, more functional relationships with compassion and without judgment.
You can find out more about her mission and services at www.reallifeparentguide.com. She is on Facebook at Real Life Parent Guide, Instagram, and on LinkedIn as well. For additional support and encouragement, consider joining Kim’s group specifically supporting parents of emerging adults 18-30. They meet twice a week online. Check it out here.
