Midlife & Beyond Dating: Illa Lynn
Are you experiencing emotional manipulation in your relationship?
Being in a healthy, loving relationship is a dream many of us hold close to our hearts. We all strive for deep, meaningful connections where we feel safe and cherished. However, not everyone is fortunate enough to experience this. Many women are caught in relationships that are unhealthy, manipulative, and sometimes even dangerous, often without realizing it.
This isn’t a subject I usually discuss out in the open , as my focus is on the belief that love is possible and that thriving relationships are within reach for everyone. But this issue is too important to ignore and keep concealed.
“Many women are caught in relationships that are unhealthy, manipulative, and sometimes even dangerous, often without realizing it.”
Emotional Abuse & Manipulation:
Recent statistics reveal that one in four women in the U.S. suffer abuse at the hands of an intimate partner daily. Sadly, many of these incidents go unreported, often due to a lack of awareness or because the victims feel too ashamed to speak out. This abuse is happening all around us—maybe even to someone you know.
While physical and sexual abuse are the most recognized forms, emotional and verbal abuse are equally damaging, though often harder to see. Emotional abuse can be insidious, with abusers skillfully convincing their victims that they are to blame for the mistreatment they endure.
Trauma Bonding:
Whether this abuse is overt or subtle, it takes a significant toll on both mental and physical health. Having lived through it myself, survived it, and came out stronger on the other side, I am committed to raising awareness about this issue, as painful as it can be to revisit this phase of my life.
It’s not uncommon for women to only realize they are being abused when they start feeling trapped in their relationships or marriages. The reality of Trauma Bonding can make it incredibly difficult to take action, so many stay in these relationships for months, years, decades.
15 Questions To Help Recognize Emotional Manipulation In Your Relationship :
Here is how you can start. Ask yourself following questions:
- Do you frequently feel guilty or ashamed in your conversations with your partner?
- Are you blamed or accused of causing most of the relationship’s problems?
- Do you find yourself carefully choosing your words to avoid upsetting your partner?
- Is it hard to figure out what makes your partner happy?
- When asked what you love about your partner, can you answer it clearly?
- Do you wish your partner would validate your feelings, emotions, and thoughts?
- Do you believe your partner has your best interests at heart? Can you rely on them?
- Are your boundaries frequently disrespected or violated?
- Are you ever forced to engage in bedroom activities you’re uncomfortable with?
- Do your family and friends see a different side of your partner than you do?
- Do you struggle to get your emotional needs met in the relationship?
- Does your partner often tell you that you misunderstood what they said, or that you’re not thinking clearly?
- Is name-calling or making fun of you, the normal weekly occurrence?
- Do you rarely, if ever, receive empathy from your partner?
- Have you left but given in after they promised to change? Only to return and see that they never meant what they said?
“Many women are going through similar experiences and are preparing to take action, just like you can.“
Take Action Against Emotional Manipulation:
If you recognize yourself in any of these scenarios, it might be time to acknowledge that you are experiencing some form of abuse. Identifying this is the first step toward regaining control over your life. It’s also important to remember that you are not alone—many women are going through similar experiences and are preparing to take action, just like you can.
Collective support is powerful, and no one deserves to live in pain. By speaking up and seeking help, you can change your life—and help change the statistics. Your courage and your voice can impact not just yours, but other lives.
Your Relationship Troubles:
This realization can be jarring, especially if you’ve been blaming yourself for your relationship troubles. But remember, none of it is your fault. Love should not hurt and you deserve to be seen, loved and appreciated for who you are, by a partner who makes you feel safe.
If you feel like you might be in danger please reach out to the National Crisis Hotline by texting HOME to 741741. Additional resources can be found in Illa’s bio below.
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About the Author:
Illa Lynn is a former corporate health care leader turned Life Coach who specializes in Relationship Coaching for women. In addition to her ten years of academic and professional training, she specializes in dating after 40. Specifically dating after divorce, or toxic love. Using her psychology background and intuitive nature, Illa helps women open up to love again. In three steps, Illa guides women to create lasting, authentic relationships founded on transparency, respect, and trust. Follow Illa on LinkedIN for more tips and tricks on dating.
