Sex Alchemist Kuel Category Expert: Ronda Ray
Is pleasure a luxury? I don’t think so.
Pleasure Is A Part Of Our Divine DNA:
I think it’s hardwired into us. And that is what makes it a birthright.
I’ve long felt babies hold the secrets and promises of what God intended when each of us was created.
Babies are typically full of joy, have innate wisdom, practicality and understanding of how to get their needs met when they need them met. Once their needs are met, they can return to their job of delighting those around them! Who wouldn’t want to possess and exude all of those qualities?
“We—meaning YOU—own the ability to get them met.”
Own The Ability To Get Your Needs Met:
Since we were all babies once, we already have these qualities. We still have the innate ability to listen to our God-given wisdom, to express our wants, needs and desires. We—meaning YOU—own the ability to get them met.
When they’re met, we will be delighted and delightful. We will feel fuller, more heart-forward, more connected to who we were created to be. In that state of fullness, in that state of overflow, we can give to others from a place of abundance, from a place of pure joy. We can delight those around us without feeling resentment, feeling invisible, feeling we don’t matter. Because we know we matter—to ourselves.
Because we are already enough, already full— we don’t need their ‘appreciation or approval or participation’ in order to feel good about ourselves or our circumstances.
“But mostly for how feeling pleasure impacts you.”
Elevate Yourself:
I know it’s not easy. I know certain people or circumstances will make it impossible to stand firm in that frame of mind.
Also I know, it’s worth putting into practice. It’s worth making it your badge, your calling card in life.
When you can do this, you elevate yourself, you elevate the world around you and all those who are in contact with you—and they absorb this joy and goodness and it replicates beyond you, beyond them into our bigger world.
It is an elegant, contagious joy-filled energy that is boundless in how it impacts others. But mostly for how feeling pleasure impacts you.
What Is Pleasurable?
What is pleasurable is unique and specific to each person. It can run the spectrum to include sensuality to sexuality to erotic. What is the difference?
Sexuality: Is about your sexual feelings, thoughts, attractions and behaviors towards other people. You can find people physically, sexually, emotionally attractive and those are all part of your sexuality. It’s diverse and personal and is a very important part of who you are.
Eroticism: It isn’t necessarily sex. It is the thoughts, dreams, anticipation, unruly impulses, and even painful memories. It is energized by our entire human experience. Eroticism isn’t comfortable and neat—it is unique to each person.
Sensuality: Related to the senses, bringing enjoyment to the senses rather than to the mind. This can include sexuality as well as the pursuit of physical pleasures other than sexual.
Sensation In Our Body:
Sensuality takes many forms all related to sensation in our body. The five most common senses include:
- Taste: a sweet, ripe strawberry,
- Smell: freshly baked bread,
- Sight: the sun setting over the ocean,
- Touch: having your hair brushed,
- Sound: waves as they ebb and flow at the shore
These are all simple things that we can enjoy, and can all evoke feelings that bring you to the present moment. Sensuality and pleasure have a lot to do with being present. It slows us down and brings us to see what is right in front of us. It allows us to create and enjoy pleasure in any moment.
“We are comfortable talking about aches, pains, and complaints. But we don’t talk about what feels good and delights us.”
What Our Body Wants:
We don’t talk about how important it is to be body aware, to be attuned to what our body wants, needs, and responds to in any pleasurable way. We are comfortable talking about aches, pains, and complaints. But we don’t talk about what feels good and delights us.
We spend a disproportionate amount of time in our heads that it ends up having a detrimental effect on our ability to access our pleasure centers that we were born to experience.
We can take responsibility for our own pleasure. And when we do, we minimize the sense of depletion, deprivation, depression, anxiety, anger, and resentment that comes from looking outside ourselves.
Getting In The Mood:
In the coming months, we will talk about eroticism, sensuality, sexuality, pleasure, desire, communication, getting in the mood when you’re not in the mood, the role toys and lube play in your sexual play, partnered sex and solo sex, and the role fantasies play in our erotic lives.
Can you guess the top three most frequently mentioned fantasies? If you’d like to take a guess, message me on Instagram at rondaray_ or send me an email at ronda@rondaray.com. I’ll share the results of a recent research project that found seven categories of fantasies most often mentioned.
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About the Author:
Ronda is an Alchemist—she takes conventional thinking, social, and cultural norms around Sex, Intimacy, and Pleasure and turns them on their heads!
She has a passion to help women (and more than a few men) reconnect to Pleasure and reawaken the truth of Pleasure as Our Birthright—yes, this is true for each and everyone of us. The awareness that there is no expiration date on pleasure has been helpful for women of all ages to realize they are built for pleasure—yes, this is true in the most literal sense: Women. Are. Built. For. Pleasure.
You can connect with Ronda by email at ronda@rondaray.com. This is where she loves receiving comments and currently schedules appointments.
