Wondering how to get your teen to open up? It starts long before the conversation does.
The Day I Ditched The Lesson Plan
This class of 8th-grade girls was a dream class. They were friendly (and mostly friends), dedicated students, considerate, and kind. But something felt off. So that day I ditched the lesson plan.
We put our chairs in a circle, and so it began. I learned so much from them and about them that day.
It was stunning and beautiful how much they shared. I had never seen eighth graders open up to one another like that. They trusted each other, and they trusted me.
One had a severely autistic brother.
Another had a poor relationship with her parents and felt unseen and unheard.
One girl’s father had lost his job.
One after another they revealed something they were struggling with.
And when the bell rang, they all asked, “Can we do this again tomorrow?”
Oh, how I wish I could have said yes. But the curriculum and the administration were looking to me to teach French.
Vulnerability Depends Upon Trust And Safety
I share this because vulnerability depends upon trust and safety, especially with children.
In an effort to protect our children and complete the tasks of everyday life, many of us don’t often have the patience, or the opportunity, to sit quietly and listen; to create an atmosphere of trust; to show our child it’s safe to be vulnerable with us.
How To Get Your Teen To Open Up At Home
But if we want to be the person our child can turn to when there’s something important to talk about, we have to make time for that kind of connection.
It’s doable. And it starts with becoming more present, more patient, and more willing to listen without rushing to fix everything.
If you’d like help becoming that kind of parent, tell me what’s been hard. Schedule a 30-minute complimentary call with me using the link in my bio below. You’ll feel better and more hopeful and leave with tools you can use right away.
P.S. It was easier for me to create that space for my students than it was at home. I’ve had my struggles with this, too.
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About the Author:
Fern Weis is a Parent Empowerment Coach for Moms of Teens and a Family Recovery Coach. She’s also a wife, a former middle school teacher, and the parent of two adult children who taught her more about herself than she ever could have imagined. Â
Fern partners with moms of teens and young adults, privately and in groups. She helps them grow their confidence to build strong relationships and emotionally healthier kids who become successful adults.
She knows first-hand that when parents do the work, the possibilities for change are limitless; that it’s never too late to start; and you don’t have to do it alone. Learn more about Fern at www.fernweis.com. Schedule your complimentary Parent Support Call at https://calendly.com/talktofern/discovery-call.
