Divorce and Transitions: Mardi Winder-Adams
Learning how to let go of anger after divorce helps you release the pain, find peace, and rebuild your future with gratitude and strength.
Anger is often one of the strongest emotions women feel during and after divorce. It can show up quietly as frustration or resentment, or it can come crashing in with full force of all your emotional energy. Sometimes it feels justified and even protective. After all, anger helps us feel powerful when we have felt powerless for too long. It can feel like a shield that keeps us safe from sadness, rejection, or fear. But staying angry also keeps you connected to the pain, and it will block the peace, joy, and new possibilities waiting for you.
The truth is that shifting from anger to gratitude is not about pretending everything is fine or letting someone off the hook. It is not about accepting bad behavior and turning a blind eye to negative experiences. However, it is about taking back your power and choosing to focus on what helps you grow rather than what keeps you stuck. Gratitude is not a denial of the hurt you have felt. It is an acknowledgment that you still have agency in your life and the ability to create something new despite it all.
Understanding What Anger Is Trying to Tell You
Anger is rarely the real emotion sitting underneath the surface. It often hides feelings of betrayal, disappointment, sadness, or loss. You might be angry that your ex moved on, about wasted years, or that you have to rebuild a life you never expected to be rebuilding. These are all valid feelings.
But anger can also become a habit. We feed that anger when we replay old arguments, retell painful stories, or check in on what our ex is doing. It becomes a constant loop of energy that keeps us emotionally tied to the past. The first step is to notice when that happens. Ask yourself, “What is this anger really about right now?” Is it protecting me from pain? Is it reminding me of what I need to heal? Once you start asking those questions, you begin to create space for something new to enter.
Releasing the Grip of Anger
The process of letting go of anger does not mean forcing forgiveness before you are ready. It means finding small ways to let that heavy emotion move through you instead of getting trapped inside you. Physical movement helps, whether that means going for a walk, dancing in your living room, or yelling into a pillow instead of bottling everything up. Journaling is another powerful tool. Write down what makes you angry, then close your notebook and leave it there. You have acknowledged it. It does not need to control your day.
It also helps to stop fueling the fire. Notice how certain conversations, songs, or social media accounts make you feel. If they keep pulling you back into the emotional storm, take a break from them. Cultivate your environment with care. Choose what supports your healing, and get rid of those things that are triggers for the negative emotions.
Finally, give yourself permission to feel without judgment. You are allowed to be angry. You are also allowed to decide when it is time to move forward (and it is 100% your choice to do this).
Why Gratitude Changes Everything
Once you begin loosening anger’s grip, you will begin to notice small things to be grateful for. Gratitude is not a magic wand, but it is an anchor. It grounds you in what is good and real right now.
Think about the small wins. Maybe you handled a conversation with your ex calmly for the first time. Perhaps you cooked a meal that reminded you how capable you are, or changed a flat tire, or fixed that leaky faucet. Maybe you realized you enjoy the quiet of having your own space or found a way to support your kids in something they were proud to accomplish.
Gratitude shifts the focus from what was lost to what remains and what is possible. It opens your heart to let in peace, compassion, and hope. Research shows that gratitude can lower stress hormones, improve sleep, and increase overall well-being. This is not just emotional talk; it is neuroscience. When you focus on what you appreciate, your brain releases chemicals that improve mood and help you feel more in control of your life.
How to Let Go of Anger After Divorce: Simple Daily Practices
- Start a daily gratitude ritual. Each morning or evening, write down three things you are grateful for that day. They can be tiny, like having coffee in peace, a good hair day, or hearing your child’s laugh.
- Use “yet” as your power word. When you find yourself thinking, “I can’t handle this,” add “yet.” That small word creates room for growth and possibility.
- Thank yourself often. Say thank you to yourself for doing your best. Rebuilding is hard work, and you’re doing it.
- Reframe past experiences. Instead of replaying what went wrong, try to find one thing you learned from the experience.
- Surround yourself with positive people. Gratitude grows in supportive spaces.
What Gratitude Creates for Your Future
When you consistently choose gratitude, something subtle but powerful begins to shift. You stop being driven by anger, resentment, or fear. Instead, you start noticing opportunities. You begin making decisions based on what you want, not what you are trying to avoid.
Gratitude helps you trust yourself again. It shows you that you can create happiness and stability even when life looks different than you planned. It also helps you attract people and situations that reflect your new mindset. When you are grounded in appreciation and peace, you naturally draw in relationships and experiences that match that energy.
Over time, this mindset shift builds confidence. You begin to believe in your ability to design a life you love, one where you are the author of your story, not the victim in a story someone else is writing.
Moving from anger to gratitude is not a straight path. Some days you will feel both. Some days, you might feel right back where you started. That is part of healing. What matters is that you keep showing up for yourself with compassion and curiosity.
You do not have to rush or force this process. Simply begin noticing the moments that make you smile or breathe easier. Allow yourself to appreciate how far you have come, even if you still have a long way to go. Gratitude grows quietly at first, then expands until it becomes the foundation of your new life.
You deserve a future after divorce that is built on peace, strength, and appreciation for the woman you are becoming. Let gratitude guide you there. For additional healing strategies, visit PositivePsychology.com to explore more tools for cultivating gratitude and emotional health.
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About the Author:
Mardi Winder-Adams is an Executive and Leadership Coach, Certified Divorce Transition Coach, and a Credentialed Distinguished Mediator in Texas. She has experienced her own divorce, moved to a new country and started her own business, and worked through the challenges of being a caregiver and managing the loss of a spouse.
Handling life transitions and pivots is her specialty! In her professional role as a divorce coach, Mardi has helped hundreds of women before, during, and after divorce to reduce the emotional and financial costs of the process. She is the founder of Positive Communication Systems, LLC.
