Parent Coach for Moms of Teens: Fern Weis
What if I told you you could stop power struggles with teens?
I want to remind you that your teen is really sweet and loving. “You’ve got to be kidding, Fern. Have you been in my home lately?”
When interactions with your teen feel like a boxing match, this may be the opposite of how you feel about them. You’re sparring and throwing punches with words, ducking and weaving, trying to get the upper hand. It becomes about being right and getting what you want. Both of you. In other words, it’s a battle for control.
“As the parent of a teen, it’s easy to get caught up in daily power struggles.”
It’s time to go back to your corners and rethink your strategy. 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙜𝙮 𝙞𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙡𝙩𝙤𝙜𝙚𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧.
Wedge Between You And Your Teen:
As the parent of a teen, it’s easy to get caught up in daily power struggles. You find yourself in the ring, gloves on, ready to defend your position. But the truth is, these battles only create distance. Every punch thrown, every word spoken in anger, drives a wedge between you and your teen. The once sweet, kind, and loving child now feels like a distant memory, replaced by an alien being, an adversary who’s constantly challenging you.
Here’s the thing – 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙩𝙚𝙚𝙣 𝙞𝙨𝙣’𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙤𝙥𝙥𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙣𝙩. 𝙏𝙝𝙚𝙮’𝙧𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙙. And just like you, they’re navigating the complexities of growing up, trying to find their place in the world. The boxing gloves come on because both of you are hurting and struggling to be heard. But beneath the layers of frustration and conflict lies the same child you’ve always cherished.
What now? How do you stop the fight and reconnect?
“The boxing gloves come on because both of you are hurting and struggling to be heard.”
Stop Power Struggles Acknowledge Your Teen’s Feelings:
First, take a deep breath and step out of the ring. This doesn’t mean giving up or letting go of your values. It means recognizing that the battle isn’t helping either of you. Instead of going another round, choose a different approach.
𝙎𝙩𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝙗𝙮 𝙖𝙘𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬𝙡𝙚𝙙𝙜𝙞𝙣𝙜 your teen’s feelings. Let them know that you see and hear them. Often, teens just want to be understood. (You don’t have to agree, just listen.) When you show empathy, you’re taking off the gloves and extending a hand. This small act can defuse tension and open the door to real communication.
𝙉𝙚𝙭𝙩, 𝙛𝙤𝙘𝙪𝙨 𝙤𝙣 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙣𝙚𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙘𝙤𝙧𝙧𝙚𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣. It’s natural to want to guide your teen and correct their behavior. But when this becomes the primary focus of your relationship, it can feel like constant criticism. Shift your focus to moments of connection–simple, everyday interactions that remind your teen they’re loved for who they are, not just what they do (or don’t do).
Choose Love Over Conflict Relationship:
Finally, remember the bigger picture. Parenting a teen is challenging, but it’s also temporary. The years will pass, and the daily battles will fade into the background. What will remain is the relationship you’ve built. Choose love over conflict and empathy over control. Create the foundation for a lifelong bond to take you both through whatever life brings.
The next time you feel the urge to step into the ring, pause. Take a breath. And remember who you’re dealing with—not an opponent, but your child. A child who, beneath the struggles, is still the sweet, kind, and loving person at heart who you’ve always known.
Did you enjoy this article? Become a Kuel Life Member today to support our Community. Sign-up for our Sunday newsletter and get your content delivered straight to your inbox.
About the Author:
Fern Weis is a Parent Empowerment Coach for Moms of Teens and a Family Recovery Coach. She’s also a wife, former middle school teacher, and the parent of two adult children who taught her more about herself than she ever could have imagined.
Fern partners with moms of teens and young adults, privately and in groups. She helps them grow their confidence to build strong relationships and emotionally healthier kids who become successful adults. She knows first-hand that when parents do the work, the possibilities for change are limitless; that it’s never too late to start; and you don’t have to do it alone. Learn more about Fern at www.fernweis.com. Schedule your complimentary Parent Support Call at https://calendly.com/talktofern/discovery-call.
If you’re ready to stop collecting parenting information and move to action and implementation, the Moms’ Circle is your next best step. For information on this small group coaching program, contact Fern.
