Midlife Musings: Debra Johnstone
I’m in the middle of another midlife transition–frustratingly so actually. It took me a while to recognize it because it’s so different to the last one. But even so it cements my theory that there is more than one transition that occurs in and after midlife.
When challenges like this occur, you may be like me and exclaim into the nothingness above eye level – “Give me a break!”. Or you may ask in despair “Isn’t it supposed to get easier as I get older?”
But no it doesn’t because you see our main purpose on this planet is to grow into who we are meant to be. To grow closer to our true self before our physical life ends. That my friend, requires challenge.
Challenge Without Awareness Is Non-Productive:
The thing is going through challenge without awareness is non productive. Because we come out the other side with little growth other than being stronger.
“To grow closer to our true self before our physical life ends. That my friend, requires challenge.”
That’s just pointless suffering as far as I’m concerned. So here I am contemplating where I need to learn and grow right now, the next layer that needs to be shed. Thankfully I have lots of tools that I’ve gathered over the years of running my coaching practice. And resources that I use for myself when needed.
Earlier this week I was sitting in my garden in my glorious morning ritual and I turned over an oracle card. The card is something I like to add to my ritual once a week. This time it was a message from the deity Vajrayogini who helps us cut through illusions and see through to the truth. The guidance of course was to go inward.
Fulfilling Midlife Transition:
A fulfilling transition requires the need to go inward and the realization we have everything we need within us. To cut through the obstacles and illusions, because that’s all they are.
But that doesn’t help you decide what to do next when you’ve no idea. And if you’ve ever worked with me, then you will know that I help you identify who are you are first. Which is an intrinsic step in discovering what you want.
Which brings me to a message I received last week. This was an invitation to look into my shadow. Sounds scary doesn’t it and for most of us it’s confronting, which is why we tend not to do it.
We Tend To Repress And Ignore Our Shadow:
Our shadow is the part of us that we’re least likely to embrace. It’s the facet that runs our unhelpful habits and tendencies. The place where our most limiting perceptions and beliefs live and is responsible for our projections.
Most of us don’t like to go there. Because it requires sitting in vulnerability and tends to be uncomfortable. So being brave is a necessity. A successful transition into our next chapter requires understanding who we are as a whole. It requires embracing our true self, even the parts that don’t fit what we see as ideal and aren’t particularly proud of.
We can have multiple unsuccessful attempts at trying to move forward until we finally realize we need to do the inner work first. The attempts aren’t fruitful because we’re not ready yet. For example, just this week I attempted to look into an opportunity, only to have the link shut down on me. I even broke my toe over the weekend! How much more evidence do I need?
“We can have multiple unsuccessful attempts at trying to move forward until we finally realize we need to do the inner work first.”
Explore Your Whole Self To Embrace Your True Self:
The necessary inner work includes acknowledging all that makes us who we are, not just what we think is acceptable. Of course it encompasses our qualities, strengths, values, talents, and beliefs. But it also includes bringing the shadow into the light so we can see it clearly.
Believe it or not, our shadow has an important job to do. But it’s not until we see it clearly that we can allocate it the job that will help us most. Having clarity around our shadow also helps us practice true self love and acceptance. This will all allow us to embrace our whole self and then organically create our next fabulous chapter.
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About the Author:
Deb Johnstone is a Transformational Mindset Coach and a Midlife Transition Mentor. Experiencing midlife transition herself, she wanted work with more meaning and started her coaching practice in 2012.
After the death of her father in 2019 and processing her grief, Deb experienced a deep loss of self where her identity felt challenged. It was through this that she felt the calling to work with women in this phase of life.
It is now her mission to support women to transition midlife and beyond feeling confident, empowered and free to be your true self and live the life you want and deserve.
You can connect with Deb on Facebook through The Empowered MidLife Woman where she posts insights daily, or connect with her through her website.
