Navigating Grief: Kathy Mela
Navigating grief in midlife isn’t just something I’ve witnessed, it’s something I now help women face with compassion, one degree at a time.
The Neonatal Intensive Care Unit is one of the most sacred — and misunderstood — spaces in healthcare. NICU Taught Me About Grief, Love, And Letting Go:For over four decades, I stood beside incubators, IV poles, and beeping monitors as an RN and Neonatal Nurse Practitioner. But what I really witnessed, day in and day out, was the full spectrum of human emotion: fierce love, unimaginable loss, and the quiet courage it takes to let go when there’s no manual for how.
Now, as The Grief Navigator, I support women over 50 who are moving through their own life transitions — death, divorce, empty nest, retirement, or caregiving. And I realize how much of what I learned in the NICU prepared me for this work. Because grief doesn’t only live in hospitals. It lives in all of us.
3 Myths About Navigating Grief In Midlife That Keep Women Stuck:
Grief Myth #1: You Don’t ‘Get Over It’:
Early in my career, I believed there might be a finish line to grief — some future moment when the pain would dissolve and life would simply move on. But the truth is: you don’t get over grief. You grow with it. You carry it. You learn to live alongside it.
There are babies whose names I still remember. Families I prayed for. Moments I held a mother’s hand after she’d said goodbye for the last time. Those moments don’t disappear. They become part of you. Just like the grief so many women carry in silence, over lost identities, lost marriages, or lost time, doesn’t need to be overcome. It needs to be honored.
Grief Myth #2: It’s A Linear Process:
We like to think of grief as a staircase; five stages, one after another, with a neat exit at the top. But that’s not how it works. Grief is not linear. It’s cyclical. It loops and spirals and sometimes knocks you off your feet years after you thought you were “past it.”
In the NICU, I learned to move between joy and sorrow within minutes. One baby took their first breath while another took their last. One family cried tears of hope; another, of heartbreak. The same is true outside the hospital: you can feel laughter and loss in the same moment, and both are real, both are valid.
Grief Myth #3: Caregivers Don’t Burn Out from Grief:
We often associate burnout with overwork, long hours, too many responsibilities. But grief can burn you out, too. Especially when it goes unacknowledged.
In the NICU, we rarely had time to pause. There was always another baby to stabilize, another parent to counsel, another chart to complete. Our grief had to wait. For many women I work with now, that pattern continues. They care for everyone else while quietly accumulating layers of grief, over aging parents, lost dreams, or changing roles. Eventually, the body and soul say, “Enough.”
The truth? Unprocessed grief is exhausting. And if we don’t give it space, it finds its own way out, often through fatigue, anxiety, or illness.
What The NICU Taught Me About Navigating Grief In Midlife:
In that high-tech, high-stakes world, there was rarely time for long speeches or fanfare. Leadership looked like steady hands during an emergency. It sounded like a calm voice when panic set in. It felt like fierce advocacy for a baby no one expected to live, or a family who needed more time to say goodbye.
What I saw then, and what I see now in women navigating midlife, is that true leadership is often quiet. It happens in the choices we make when no one’s watching. In how we show up for others while learning to show up for ourselves.
Grief Is Not Just About Death — It’s About Change:
The NICU wasn’t only a place of loss. It was a place of transformation. Not every story ended in death. Many ended in life, new, fragile, hard-won life. And yet even those stories carried grief: of what could’ve been, of dreams deferred, of fears that lingered long after discharge.
That’s what I want every woman reading this to know: grief is not limited to loss through death. You might be grieving the version of yourself you used to be, or the future you thought you’d have. That grief deserves attention, too.
From Surviving To Living Full Out, One Degree At A Time:
You don’t need to overhaul your life to honor your grief. Sometimes, all it takes is one small, conscious shift, what I call a One Degree Change. It might be saying no to something that drains you. Or reaching out for a conversation you’ve been avoiding. Or, simply naming what hurts without needing to fix it.
The NICU taught me that sometimes the tiniest changes, a heartbeat, a breath, a flicker of hope, are the most powerful. The same is true in life. When you begin to Live Full Out, even in grief, you start living the legacy you’ll one day leave behind.
You Don’t Have To “Get Over It”, You Just Have To Begin:
We’re all navigating something. The NICU was my training ground, but life has been the deeper classroom. I’ve learned that grief is not something to conquer. It’s something to live with. And when we do that, gently, bravely, intentionally, we begin to create lives that are more meaningful, more spacious, and more aligned with who we’re becoming.
If you’re carrying invisible grief, from your past, your roles, your relationships, let this be your invitation. You don’t need to get over it. You just need to begin tending to it.
Grief Truths & Hidden Signs:
After 40+ Years In The NICU, Here’s What I Know For Sure About Grief:
- It doesn’t go away — it becomes part of you.
- It doesn’t follow a timeline. Some days still sting, years later.
- You can burn out from holding grief silently.
- It doesn’t always look like sadness — sometimes it looks like exhaustion.
- You can feel joy and sorrow in the same breath.
You Might Be Grieving If:
- You feel drained, even after rest.
- You’ve “moved on” but still feel numb.
- You avoid certain conversations or dates on the calendar.
- You’re carrying something that no one else sees.
- You don’t know why you feel so emotional… but you do.
Grief doesn’t always look like sadness. It often looks like fatigue, frustration, or disconnection. You don’t have to get over it, but you do deserve to acknowledge it.
Ask yourself: What story of resilience or grief have I never told–even to myself?
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About the Author:
“My superpower is intuitive, heart-centered listening—creating space for women to feel seen, heard, and supported as they navigate change.” ~Kathy Mela
If you’re facing a major life transition—grief, divorce, empty nest, retirement, or a health shift, Kathy Mela offers a compassionate, empowering path forward.
A former Neonatal Nurse Practitioner turned best-selling author and transformational life coach, Kathy helps women over 50 move through loss and change into a more vibrant, meaningful next chapter.Drawing on decades of experience in both healthcare and leadership, she meets women exactly where they are, helping them go from just getting by to truly thriving. With practical tools like her Live Full Out Guide, Absolute Yes List, and ONE DEGREE CHANGE framework, Kathy gently guides her clients to rediscover their voice, reclaim their joy, and live the legacy they want to embody each day—intentionally and on their own terms.
