Kim Muench, Becoming Me Thought Leader
When it comes to parenting triggers in midlife, it’s rarely just about the dirty dishes or eye rolls; it’s about what those behaviors stir up in you.
You’ve asked your child three times to take their dirty dishes out of their room.
Nothing happens.
You feel the tension rise.
And before you know it, you’re raising your voice and saying things you swore you’d never say.
Sound familiar?
When your child isn’t listening, or actively pushing buttons, it’s easy to assume they’re the problem. But often, the emotional reaction you’re having is tied to something deeper. Something old.
Because what’s triggering you isn’t always what’s happening in the moment. It’s what the moment represents.
Understanding Parenting Triggers in Midlife: What’s Really Going On Beneath the Surface
Let’s say your child repeatedly ignores your request to bring dishes downstairs. That’s the surface-level behavior. And yes, it’s frustrating.
But your emotional response, the tight chest, the rising anger, the story that says “They don’t respect me”, those are clues that something deeper is being activated.
If you grew up in a home where your voice wasn’t heard or your needs weren’t valued, then being ignored now doesn’t just feel annoying. It feels personal. Like that old wound of invisibility has just been ripped open again.
You may find yourself saying:
- “I do everything for you and you can’t even do this one thing?”
- “You don’t care about anyone but yourself.”
- “I’m tired of being disrespected.”
But underneath, the deeper voice might be saying:
- “Why does no one listen to me?”
- “I just want to feel seen.”
- “I promised myself I wouldn’t parent like this.”
From Triggered to Grounded: Choose a Different Response
When you feel yourself getting emotionally flooded, the most powerful thing you can do is pause. Not to suppress the feeling, but to understand it.
Ask yourself:
- What exactly about this behavior is bothering me?
- What does this remind me of?
- Am I reacting to them, or to a younger version of me?
The parenting work is so often the inner work. When we understand our triggers, we can begin to respond from a grounded place; not a wounded one.
How Parenting Triggers in Midlife Can Become Opportunities for Connection
Once you’ve taken the time to reflect, you can return to the issue at hand with much more clarity.
Instead of yelling about dishes, you might calmly say:
“I know I’ve asked you a few times to bring those down. What’s getting in the way?”
Now you’re modeling curiosity instead of control. Now you’re showing your child what it looks like to stay in connection even when you’re frustrated. This is one of the most powerful forms of leadership you can offer.
If you’re looking for more on how to parent through moments like this, take a look at my article on boundaries for adult children with mental health challenges. These two issues, boundaries and triggers, are deeply connected.
How to Grow From Parenting Triggers in Midlife
Learning how to stop being triggered by your child’s behavior is a gift to both of you.
Your child doesn’t need you to be perfect. But they do need you to be present, self-aware, and willing to explore your own reactions.
Because the less you’re owned by your triggers, the more room your child has to grow, and the more peace you create inside your home and inside yourself.
You’ve got this.
Want to hear it straight from Kim?
Watch the original video that inspired this article and see how she breaks it down with clarity, compassion, and lived experience. Sometimes, a voice and a face say more than words on a page.. Watch now:
Did you enjoy this article? Become a Kuel Life Member today to support our Community. Sign-up for our Sunday newsletter and get your content delivered straight to your inbox.
About the Author:
Kim Muench (pronounced minch, like pinch with an “m”) is a Jai (rhymes with buy) Institute for Parenting Certified Conscious Parenting Coach who specializes in working with mothers of adolescents (ages 10+). Knowing moms are the emotional barometer in their families, Kim is passionate about educating, supporting and encouraging her clients to raise their children with intention and guidance rather than fear and control. Kim’s three plus decades parenting five children and years of coaching other parents empowers her to lead her clients into healthier, happier, more functional relationships with compassion and without judgment.
You can find out more about her mission and services at www.reallifeparentguide.com. She is on Facebook at Real Life Parent Guide, Instagram, and on LinkedIn as well. For additional support and encouragement, consider joining Kim’s group specifically supporting parents of emerging adults 18-30. They meet twice a week online. Check it out here.
Love this—curiosity is always a better come-from than judgment/control (even when we’re talking to ourselves!)
And sometimes difficult… curiosity is the goal… each and every time… and we are all works in progress and need to be kind to ourselves, as well as, others.