Divorce and Transitions: Mardi Winder-Adams
One of the biggest questions many women face during the divorce is whether to keep or sell the family home.
It’s more than just a piece of property; it’s a place filled with memories, routines, and a sense of stability, at least financially. If you have children, holding onto the home they know and love may feel even more important. But as much as your heart may be telling you to stay, there are practical realities that need just as much consideration.
I’ve worked with many high-achieving women who initially believed staying in the family home was the best decision, only to realize later that it came with unexpected burdens.
On the other hand, I’ve also seen women fight for their home and successfully create a fresh, empowered future within its walls. There is no one-size-fits-all answer, but there are key questions to ask yourself that can help guide your decision.
“A house may be your biggest asset, but it’s also your biggest responsibility.”
Financially Doable or Not?
One of the biggest factors to consider is financial feasibility. A house may be your biggest asset, but it’s also your biggest responsibility. Even if you’re awarded the home in the divorce settlement, can you comfortably afford the mortgage, property taxes, insurance, and maintenance on a single income?
These expenses often add up to more than people anticipate, especially when they’ve been splitting costs in a dual-income household. You don’t want to find yourself house-rich but cash-poor, struggling to cover daily expenses while keeping up with the costs of homeownership.
There’s also the question of refinancing. If the mortgage is in both names, you’ll likely need to qualify for a new loan in your name alone. Lenders will look at your income, credit score, and debt-to-income ratio to determine whether you can take on the mortgage independently. If you’ve taken time off from your career or your financial picture is still in transition post-divorce, this can be a major hurdle. And even if you do qualify, the new terms might come with a higher interest rate or require a significant buyout of your spouse’s equity. Keep in mind, your alimony or spousal support may not help you qualify, depending on the terms of the divorce and your geographic location.
Emotional Connection: Positive or Negative?
Beyond the financial considerations, there’s the emotional weight of staying in the marital home. In the midst of a divorce, it can be comforting to keep something familiar, but is it the right kind of comfort?
For some women, staying in the home provides a sense of stability and control when so much else feels uncertain. But for others, the walls carry memories that feel more like anchors than safe harbors. Every room may remind you of what was, making it harder to move forward and create a new beginning.
If being in the home keeps you emotionally stuck in the past, then holding onto it may not be in your best interest.
If you have children, their needs will likely play a huge role in your decision. Stability is important, and staying in the same home can minimize disruptions in their lives, keeping them in familiar surroundings, close to their school, friends, and community.
However, children also pick up on stress, and if keeping the home causes financial strain or keeps you emotionally weighed down, they’ll feel it. Stability isn’t just about location; it’s about having a home where they feel safe, supported, and connected to a parent who is emotionally and financially secure.
Your Long-Term Goals:
Another factor to consider is your long-term goals. Where do you see yourself in five years? Do you want to stay in this home indefinitely, or would it only be a short-term solution? If you ultimately plan to move, does it make sense to fight to stay now? Divorce is already an emotionally and financially demanding process, and you want to make decisions that serve your future, not just your immediate comfort.
Sometimes, selling the home and splitting the proceeds makes the most financial sense, giving both spouses a clean break and a fresh financial start. This can also be an important factor if capital gains taxes are significant based on the home’s value today compared to when it was purchased.
Other times, a buyout or a delayed sale—where one spouse stays for a certain period before selling—can provide a workable compromise. Every situation is unique, and there are creative solutions that can help you transition in a way that aligns with your needs and resources.
Divorce Is A Time Of Transition:
Ultimately, deciding whether to keep the home comes down to a balance of practical, emotional, and financial factors. It’s not just about what you want in the moment, but about what will truly serve you in the long run. Your home should be a place of peace, not a source of ongoing stress.
If keeping it allows you to move forward with confidence and stability, it may be the right choice. But if it holds you back financially or emotionally, it may be time to let it go and create a new space that reflects the next chapter of your life.
“Having someone to talk things through with and consider all aspects of these decisions is very helpful.”
Divorce is a time of transition, and every decision you make is an opportunity to build a future that works for you. Whether that future includes the family home or a fresh start somewhere new, you have the strength and wisdom to choose what’s best for you. Having someone to talk things through with and consider all aspects of these decisions is very helpful.
Remember, whatever you decide, your true home isn’t just a house—it’s the life you create for yourself and the people you love.
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About the Author:
Mardi Winder-Adams is an Executive and Leadership Coach, Certified Divorce Transition Coach, and a Credentialed Distinguished Mediator in Texas. She has experienced her own divorce, moved to a new country and started her own business, and worked through the challenges of being a caregiver and managing the loss of a spouse.
Handling life transitions and pivots is her specialty! In her professional role as a divorce coach, Mardi has helped hundreds of women before, during, and after divorce to reduce the emotional and financial costs of the process. She is the founder of Positive Communication Systems, LLC.
