Wildly Imperfect: Elaine Blais
Most women say they want to trust themselves, but the truth is, self-trust requires something terrifying—owning your power.
And that’s where fear creeps in. Not because we are weak, but because we have been conditioned to believe that our power is dangerous, disruptive, or even wrong.
“AÂ woman who fully trusts herself is a woman who cannot be controlled.”
For centuries, the system of patriarchy has thrived by keeping women disconnected from their power. We’ve been told we’re too emotional, too sensitive, too much—or not enough. We’ve been praised for being accommodating, selfless, and quiet. We’ve been taught to question ourselves, to seek validation outside of us, and to believe that trusting ourselves is reckless or selfish.
This is by design. Because a woman who fully trusts herself is a woman who cannot be controlled.
How Patriarchy Undermines Self-Trust:
Patriarchy has always been invested in keeping women second-guessing themselves. It does this through:
Social Conditioning:
From childhood, girls are subtly (or overtly) encouraged to be polite, likable, and agreeable. We are rewarded for compliance and penalized for assertiveness.
Religious and Cultural Messaging:
Many belief systems have historically positioned women as supporters, not leaders. We are praised for sacrifice, for putting others first, and for not making waves.
Media & Beauty Standards:
Women’s worth is often tied to how we look rather than who we are. This keeps us focused outward, not inward, distracting us from our power.
Fear of Being Labeled:
A powerful woman is often called difficult, aggressive, or arrogant – the bitch—labels designed to make us shrink and self-correct.
Over time, these messages take root in our subconscious. Even when we want to trust ourselves, an inner voice whispers: What if you’re wrong? What if people don’t like you anymore? What if you fail?
And so, we hesitate. We defer to others. We don’t speak up. We downplay our desires. Not because we don’t have the answers—but because we’ve been taught not to believe in them.
5 Ways To Reclaim Our Power & Change the Narrative:
So how do we break free? How do we reclaim the self-trust that was always ours?
1. Recognize the Conditioning:
The first step is seeing the system for what it is. When doubt arises, ask yourself: Is this my belief, or was I taught this? What do I choose to believe? Understanding that self-doubt is often a learned response helps loosen its grip.
2. Redefine Power:
Power isn’t control over others; it’s sovereignty over yourself. It’s knowing what you stand for and living from that truth. Power is not something to fear—it is your birthright.
3. Stop Apologizing for Your Desires:
Women are often expected to justify their choices. You don’t need permission to want more, to take up space, to make bold decisions.
“Trusting yourself is a radical act.”
4. Practice Self-Approval:
Trusting yourself is a practice. Make small, aligned choices every day. Listen to your inner knowing. The more you approve of yourself, the less you’ll seek approval elsewhere.
5. Surround Yourself with Powerful Women:
Find the women who uplift, challenge, and inspire you. When you see others owning their power, it reinforces that you can do the same.
Final Thoughts:
Trusting yourself is a radical act. It is a rebellion against a system that benefits from your hesitation. But here’s the truth: You are powerful beyond measure. You always have been. The world may not have told you that—but you don’t need its permission.
The only question that remains is: Are you ready to trust yourself anyway?
Did you enjoy this article? Become a Kuel Life Member today to support our Community. Sign-up for our Sunday newsletter and get your content delivered straight to your inbox.
About the Author:
Elaine Blais is Spiritual Life Coach, Imperfection Alchemist and author whose superpower is helping humans, primarily women, alchemize their perceived imperfections and turn them into strengths. Her signature program, The Art of Self-Approvalâ„¢ is a pathway to breaking free from the chains of perfectionism and people-pleasing and unlocking your full potential.
After a quarter century in the corporate grind, and years of struggling with co-dependency and self-doubt, Elaine decided to leave behind what was expected of her and transform into the woman she wanted to be. So, at fifty-nine, she decided to write a new chapter in her life, literally.Her debut book, 3 Secrets to a Kickass Life, is a manifesto for those looking to live with intention and purpose. Elaine believes you can write your own story too.
