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Home Wellness Mindfulness

Shoulding Yourself In Midlife? Why Optimism Is The Bold Rebellion You Need

Shoulding Yourself In Midlife? Why Optimism Is The Bold Rebellion You Need

Shoulding Yourself In Midlife

Time To Reinvent: Beverley Glazer

If you’ve been quietly shoulding yourself in midlife—stacking invisible expectations while pushing joy aside—it’s time for a bold mindset shift.

I was halfway through a cup of coffee the other morning when I caught myself muttering, ‘I should really get more organized’. And then, like a domino effect, came the rest: ‘I should eat less sugar. I should exercise more. I should be further along by now.’

By the time I finished my coffee, I’d stacked a mountain of invisible obligations on my shoulders and not a single one of them made me feel very good. 

Why Shoulding Yourself in Midlife Feels So Heavy; And How to Break Free:

That’s when it hit me: “should” is a thief of joy. If midlife has taught me anything, it’s this: joy is non-negotiable. So, I’m breaking up with “should.” And I’m choosing optimism instead.

At midlife, many of us feel caught between the life we’ve built and the life we still crave. Responsibilities, expectations, and cultural scripts pile up over the years until they start running the show. And every time we use the word should, we’re giving those old scripts a voice.

We may comply with ‘should’ but when we do, we do it with a sigh, resentment, or guilt. And if we don’t do what we ‘should’, there’s shame. It’s a losing proposition.

Why Optimism Works Better:

Optimism, on the other hand, is a win. It says: Yes, life is messy. And yes, I still trust myself to find joy anyway. Optimism invites: it doesn’t scold. It’s the difference between I should work out and I choose to move today because I love how alive it makes me feel. 

One is finger wagging and the other is a high-five.

When Clients Say ‘Should’:

As a coach, I notice how often “should” sneaks into women’s minds disguised as responsibility. We might say, I should be more patient, or I should finally start getting that done. 

But, then when I ask, Do you really want to do it? There’s usually a pause. That pause is the opening for optimism to rush in. 

At that moment, women realize they have choices. And suddenly, the energy shifts. I’ve watched clients go from weighed down and stuck to lighter, freer, and even playful in seconds, thinking about what comes next.

The Optimism Of Midlife:

Here’s the gift: When we reach midlife and beyond, we can call out “should” for the bossy imposter it is. 

We’ve had enough years under our belts to know perfection isn’t the prize—freedom is. And optimism, paired with dropping “should,” gives us that freedom. Optimism in midlife has been battle-tested. We’ve been through loss, reinvention, and surprises we never saw coming. And we’re still standing, still curious, still capable of joy.  That’s power powerful.

Shoulding Yourself In Midlife? Run This Small Experiment:

So, the next time that “should” word pops into your head, pause and say it out loud. Then ask: Whose voice is this, anyway? If it’s not yours, drop it. And if it is yours, reframe it as a choice: I choose. I want to. I get to – and notice how much lighter you’ll feel.

And the best part is that other women see your freedom and lightness and realize that they can do it too. Optimism is contagious, and liberation spreads like wildfire.

That kind of rebellion is worth leading. Because at midlife rebellion is not about breaking the rules for the sake of it, but rewriting them on your own terms, and shaping them to make them fit in your life today. Because once you reach midlife, the only thing you truly should do, is live it fully, on your own terms. This week, catch one ‘should’ and flip it into a choice—you’ll be amazed how more positive and joyful you will feel.

Did you enjoy this article? Become a Kuel Life Member today to support our Community. Sign-up for our Sunday newsletter and get your content delivered straight to your inbox.

 
About the Author:
Beverley Glazer MA., CCC., ICCAC, is a Therapist, Transformational Coach, Internationally Certified Addiction Specialist, Podcast Host and Founder of Reinvent Impossible Inc.Backed by over 35 years of real-world results, Beverley helps high-performing women 50+ to navigate transitions in both life and business, by taking clear, strategic, mindset-shifting action. Through a unique blend of emotional intelligence and strategic life design, Beverley brings deep emotional mastery and sharp, actionable insight to help you quickly navigate personal and professional challenges, and step into your next big chapter with clarity, confidence, and ease. She is the host of the acclaimed podcast Aging with Purpose and Passion. Visit:  ReinventImpossible.com. Free resource: To break through old patterns that have been holding you back, download ‘From Stuck to Unstoppable’ https://reinvent-impossible.aweb.page/from-stuck-to-unstoppable.

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