Kim Muench, Becoming Me Thought Leader
When adult siblings stop speaking, many parents feel helpless, heartbroken, and unsure whether stepping in will heal or deepen the divide.
It hurts your mama’s heart, doesn’t it?
Whether our kids are four and six, teenagers sharing a bathroom, or adults in their twenties and thirties, most of us carry the same quiet hope. We want our children to get along. When they don’t, especially after they once did, the grief can feel surprisingly deep.
When Adult Siblings Stop Speaking- A Real-Life Example
A mom recently reached out to me with this situation.
Her adult daughters, both in their twenties, have stopped speaking to their older brother after a heated argument during a family vacation. Alcohol was involved. Voices were raised. Her husband asked their son to leave the room and later asked him to apologize. The apology came, but it wasn’t sincere. It landed as defensive, not accountable.
The rest of what was supposed to be a special trip felt tense and strained. Since then, the siblings have had no contact. The daughters remain close to each other and live nearby. The son has moved to another city and is building his own life, one that does not include much contact with his parents.
This mom doesn’t want to give up on her son or on the idea that her children might find their way back to one another. She is heartbroken watching the distance grow.
So what can a mom do when her adult children are no longer speaking?
Why This Hurts So Much as a Parent
No matter how old our children are, it’s painful to watch them disconnect from each other. When siblings stop speaking, parents often feel stuck in the middle. We want to fix it. We want to explain. We want to smooth things over so everyone can just get along again.
But once children are adults, the dynamics shift. These are no longer playground disagreements we can mediate. They are adult relationships, layered with history, emotions, and individual accountability.
That doesn’t mean you stop caring. It means you have to choose a different way of showing it.
Resist the Urge to Force a Resolution
One of the hardest things to accept is that you cannot make adult siblings reconcile. You cannot demand apologies that land well. You cannot require forgiveness. You cannot force contact.
Trying to do so often backfires. It can deepen resentment, entrench sides, and make your children feel controlled rather than supported.
Your role is no longer referee. It is a witness, guide, and emotional anchor.
A Thoughtful Way to Share Your Heart
If this were my situation, I would write a letter to my children.
I am a big believer in letters. I have used them with my kids, my husband, and my parents when something felt too charged or too tender to say out loud in real time.
Why a Letter Can Be So Powerful
A letter allows you to say what you need to say without interruption. You can take your time. You can revise. You can soften language that might sound sharper when spoken aloud.
It also gives your children space to receive your words on their own terms. There is no immediate pressure to respond. No escalation. No defensiveness in the moment.
Especially when one child lives out of town or contact is already strained, a letter can be a respectful way to open the door.
What the Letter Is and Is Not
This letter is not meant to shame anyone. It is not about assigning blame or taking sides. It is not about demanding reconciliation.
It is about telling the truth of your experience as their mother.
You might share how it feels to see your children disconnected. You might remind them of moments from their childhood when they supported each other, laughed together, or leaned on one another. You might reflect on why family relationships matter to you and why this distance hurts.
You are not asking them to fix it for you. You are letting them know how you feel because your feelings are real and valid.
Let Them Carry What Belongs to Them
After you share your heart, you step back.
What happens next belongs to them. They get to decide if, when, and how they repair their relationship. That work cannot be done for them, no matter how much you wish you could protect them from the discomfort.
This is one of the quiet griefs of parenting adult children. Loving them without controlling the outcome.
Holding Hope Without Pushing
You are allowed to hope your children will find their way back to each other. You are allowed to be sad that things are not the way they used to be. You are allowed to acknowledge how deeply this hurts.
What you are not required to do is carry responsibility for their relationship.
Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is speak honestly, then trust our children to grow in their own time.
And yes, that can be very hard on a mama’s heart.
Want to hear it straight from Kim?
Watch the original video that inspired this article and see how she breaks it down with clarity, compassion, and lived experience. Sometimes, a voice and a face say more than words on a page. Watch now:
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About the Author:
Kim Muench (pronounced minch, like pinch with an “m”) is a Jai (rhymes with buy) Institute for Parenting Certified Conscious Parenting Coach who specializes in working with mothers of adolescents (ages 10+). Knowing moms are the emotional barometer in their families, Kim is passionate about educating, supporting and encouraging her clients to raise their children with intention and guidance rather than fear and control. Kim’s three plus decades parenting five children and years of coaching other parents empowers her to lead her clients into healthier, happier, more functional relationships with compassion and without judgment.
You can find out more about her mission and services at www.reallifeparentguide.com. She is on Facebook at Real Life Parent Guide, Instagram, and on LinkedIn as well. For additional support and encouragement, consider joining Kim’s group specifically supporting parents of emerging adults 18-30. They meet twice a week online. Check it out here.
