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When It’s Okay To Remain Distant

Beth Keil May 2023 1

Sexuality Thought Leader: Beth Keil 

Two months ago, my former husband had a cardiac arrest. When his heart stopped, he hit the floor right in the middle of giving a presentation to his university class.

Immediately his professor started CPR, and within minutes the campus police arrived, shocked his heart, and an ambulance took him to the hospital.

It Was A Crossroads:

Later, I jokingly told him if he hadn’t decided to pursue another degree, the outcome might have been different!  While in the ER, he shared some of his fears and regrets. He was at a crossroads. 

How could he not be?

Over the next seven days, he was in the hospital and had triple bypass surgery. After a few weeks of rest, he resumed the studies he loves.

Remain Distant:

I was in the throes of packing as I was moving cross-country in just two weeks.”

At the time all of this happened, my ex and I had been separated and divorced for over nine years. And we lived three time zones apart. I was in the throes of packing as I was moving cross-country in just two weeks. 

I could be a support at a distance. 
I could care at a distance. 
I could be a sounding board at a distance.

Sorting Your Emotions:

I don’t know about you, but for decades I felt responsible to take care of others”

My impending move led me to sort through everything I had and ask – is this something I want, need, or desire? Besides a few pieces of furniture that would be shipped, everything else had to fit in my car, or it wasn’t coming.

Sorting led me to be very clear about what was important to me. And, just like my move, I needed to sort through the expectations I carried about my relationship with my ex and what I would do now. Was it ok for me to remain distant?

I don’t know about you, but for decades I felt responsible to take care of others. I was so well trained I didn’t need to be asked! I just stepped in, even if it wasn’t mine to take care of. 

When I thought about what I would do regarding my ex’s situation, I asked myself – is this mine to do? 

The More Clarity – The More Authenticity:

No one is going to give you permission to let go of the expectations you carry.”

I was crystal clear about the choice I made to be at a distance as he worked through the huge changes his cardiac arrest put in motion. I knew stepping in to take care of things (or him) was not for me to do. 

You don’t need a cardiac arrest or a cross-country move to get crystal – to know what’s yours to do or be. What’s mine is a worthy question for all of us to ask in every aspect of our life!

No one is going to give you permission to let go of the expectations you carry. The only one who can free you is you! When you ask what is yours to do or be, listen with your heart, mind, emotions, and body. Together, they are powerful guides. 

What you learn is for you, and may not apply to others. That is for them to ask, listen, and to learn from. At the end of the day, it is up to you to decided to remain distant when it is the healthiest choice.

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Beth Keil

About the Author:

Beth Keil helps her clients change and transform their lives. She offers a special focus on helping people claim the birthright of their erotic identity and to live in the joy, intimacy, and connection it brings. Beth is a Registered Nurse, MindSet Coach, and a Board Certified Hypnotist. Through her work, she enjoys integrating all her interests, experiences, and skills to bring sensuality, sex, and the erotic into greater awareness and conversation. You can schedule a 30-minute complimentary phone consultation with Beth using the Discovery Session icon.