Positive Aging Thought Leader: Maria Leonard Olsen
Society has had plenty to say about women over 50 dating younger men, and almost none of it has been fair.
I have friends who have dated men many years their junior. I did it myself when I was newly separated. It was thrilling to find that I was attractive to younger men and helped to rebuild my confidence after an ego-shattering divorce. Men from younger generations also are not trained to be sexist and ageist like their older counterparts, which is an added bonus.
While men have been partnering with younger women for many generations, women still sometimes get maligned for doing the same thing. Women who are with younger men frequently tolerate judgment from family members, including their own children. Good friends, however, usually cheer their sisters on, sometimes with a bit of envy.
What Cher, Heidi Klum, And Brigitte Macron Already Figured Out
Society is changing, though, and celebrities are helping to drive the shift. Cher is dating a man 40 years her junior. Former supermodel Heidi Klum is married to a musician who is 16 years her junior. Mariah Carey’s partner is 14 years younger than she. Kris Jenner’s beau is 25 years younger, and younger than Jenner’s daughter, Kourtney Kardashian. Brigitte Macron was French President Macron’s teacher when he was in high school and is 25 years his senior.
These women are helping to change cultural norms. They display confidence, which is sexy at any age, as well as economic power. They are breaking another ageist barrier, and we can help to do the same by challenging ageist rhetoric and living our lives in empowered ways. If you have ever been told you want too much from a relationship, dating after 50 for women looks a lot different when you stop asking for permission.
She Dated A Man 26 Years Younger. Then She Wrote About It.
Author Tanja Brown recently published a book about her own dating experience, called Flipping The Script: A Decade of Borrowed Time. Tanja is a Board-Certified Behavior Analyst and Licensed School Psychologist based in Colorado. She spent a decade dating a man 26 years her junior and opened up about the experience in a raw and honest way.
“I wrote the book to make sense of the choices I made and to give other women permission to question societal expectations they were taught to live by,” Tanja says. “I originally started writing the book for myself, as a way to process the most emotionally charged decade of my life. I have known for a while how few stories exist about women in midlife making unconventional, deeply personal choices. The book became about giving voice to those moments, when you have to decide whether to live honestly or live quietly and the costs involved in it all.”
Why Women Over 50 Dating Younger Men Are Still Called Desperate
In Flipping the Script, Tanja addresses the double standard that has been baked into our culture. “We still measure women by youth and beauty and men by various standards of power,” Tanja reflects. “A man dating younger is seen as winning; a woman doing the same is seen as being desperate.”
Tanja believes that the cultural shift we are seeing is not only about women pushing boundaries. “I think it’s also about men reassessing their roles, and many aren’t looking to lead or provide in the traditional sense anymore. Maybe they’re looking to meet someone as an equal. When both of those shifts happen at the same time, relationships start to look different.”
There Is Also A Numbers Argument, If You Want One
Statistically, women live longer than men do. In the U.S., the average life expectancy for women is 81 years, while the average for men is 76. In addition, childfree by choice is one of the fastest growing demographics in this country, which removes pressure on couples and individuals to couple for reproduction. So the older woman/younger man dynamic may make sense from an anthropological standpoint.
When we reach midlife, our sexuality does not turn off. Sex and desire are positive things, part of being human and part of what helps keep us vital.
Tanja hopes that her intensely personal account will help give women permission to still desire, to want more and to trust their intuition. “The book is also about taking calculated risks, understanding the consequences of your choices, and owning them fully. It’s about agency, not fantasy. Ok, maybe a little fantasy would do us all some good.”
On Fantasy, And Who Gets To Have It
Fantasy is indeed healthy. A woman’s sexual response is connected to her thoughts and feelings, as opposed to being solely a physical phenomenon. Reflective of this fact, romance fiction sales are at an all-time high, with novels about an older woman and younger man becoming a popular subgenre that challenges conventional norms.
Only you can determine what is right for you and what you value more: the opinions of others or your own feelings. If a partner is healthy for you and brings you joy, go for it. Life is too short to deprive yourself of happiness. And together we can change the narrative for ourselves and for our children.
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About the Author:
Maria Leonard Olsen is an attorney, author, radio show and podcast host in the Washington, D.C., area. For more information about her work, see www.MariaLeonardOlsen.com and follow her on social media at @fiftyafter50. Her latest book, 50 After 50: Reframing the Next Chapter of Your Life, which has served as a vehicle for helping thousands of women reinvigorate their lives, is offered for sale on this website.
