Parent Coach for Moms of Teens: Fern Weis
If you want to know how to stop arguing with your teen, it starts with letting go of the need to “win” and focusing instead on trust, respect, and emotional safety.
Let’s talk about ego. It’s not small, and it’s definitely not shy. Ego whispers (or shouts), “I’m important. Listen to me. I know more than you. I’m right. I have to be right—or who am I if I’m not?”
The catch? If you’re always right, someone else has to be wrong. And in the parent-teen dynamic, that “someone” is often your child. It turns everyday conversations into battles where one wins and one loses.
You’ve felt this before in any close relationship, hurt feelings, resentment, and distance. These are roadblocks to the love and trust you want to grow. Now, imagine this with your teen. The need to be right can spark resistance, defiance, and emotional withdrawal, the opposite of connection.
Why We Fall Into The “I’m Right” Trap:
Many parents think they’re guiding their child toward better choices, and the intention often comes from love… or so we tell ourselves. But love can sometimes mask fear.
Here’s what might be going on behind the scenes:
- You have decades of life experience. They don’t—yet.
- You’ve learned to pause and weigh options. They act in the moment.
- You see the dangers ahead. They think they’re bulletproof.
- You do know more in many situations, and you want to shield them.
- Meanwhile, they’re convinced you don’t understand and they’ve got it all figured out.
Sure, it would be amazing if they said, “You’re right, Mom/Dad”—but how often does that happen? And even if it did, would it change the deeper dynamic?
Why Being Right Won’t Help You Stop Arguing with Your Teen:
Sometimes you are right, but pushing that point can still shut your teen down. For them to come to you for guidance, they need emotional safety: no judgment, no lectures, no “fixing.” Even the most independent teen still craves your acceptance and presence.
When you feel that urge to “win,” pause. Ask yourself: “What matters more right now, proving my point or keeping our connection strong?”
Your teen needs room to mess up. As painful as it is to watch, mistakes are essential for building competence, resilience, and empathy.
How To Stop Arguing With Your Teen: 4 Better Ways To Respond:
- Agree to disagree without hard feelings.
- Take a step back before reacting.
- Ask what your teen really wants in that moment, a listener, advice, reassurance, or space.
- Support them without taking over.
These approaches help your teen develop self-awareness, a cornerstone of emotional well-being.
How To Stop Arguing With Your Teen And Focus On What Matters Most:
Keep your eyes on the bigger picture: you’re not just surviving the teen years, you’re shaping a confident, compassionate, capable adult. That won’t happen through constant correction or proving you’re right. It happens when trust outweighs tension, respect replaces resistance, and conversations stay open, even in conflict. Let go of the scoreboard. Show up with curiosity, patience, and a willingness to listen. When you do, you plant seeds of connection that can grow into a lifelong relationship built on mutual understanding and love.
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About the Author:
Fern Weis is a Parent Empowerment Coach for Moms of Teens and a Family Recovery Coach. She’s also a wife, former middle school teacher, and the parent of two adult children who taught her more about herself than she ever could have imagined.
Fern partners with moms of teens and young adults, privately and in groups. She helps them grow their confidence to build strong relationships and emotionally healthier kids who become successful adults.
She knows first-hand that when parents do the work, the possibilities for change are limitless; that it’s never too late to start; and you don’t have to do it alone. Learn more about Fern at www.fernweis.com. Schedule your complimentary Parent Support Call at https://calendly.com/talktofern/discovery-call. Ready for support? Apply for a complimentary 30-minute Parent Discovery Call at https://calendly.com/talktofern/discovery-call.
