Overcoming Parental Fears: 5 Powerful Lessons from ‘Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway’

Parent Coach for Moms of Teens: Fern Weis

Have you ever read the classic self-help book Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers? Her message is timeless. Jeffers’ central idea is that fear is a natural and inevitable part of life, but instead of trying to eliminate it, we need to recognize its presence and move forward despite it.

This principle can be incredibly empowering, especially in parenting, where fear often leads the way. 

Parenting isn’t just about dealing with your own fears and uncertainties; it’s intensified by the immense responsibility you feel for the well-being of your child. That person you brought into the world has the uncanny ability to trigger every emotion you’ve got—especially fear.

So, what fears tend to hold you back as a parent? What keeps you from making those tough decisions, even when you know they’re necessary? When do you find yourself slipping into avoidance mode, ignoring your instincts because action feels too daunting?

5 Common Parental Fears:

Here are some fears that held me back during my own parenting journey:

1. Fear Of My Child’s Explosive Reactions:

I dreaded setting boundaries or enforcing rules because I anticipated anger or resistance. The fear of an outburst often made me hesitate when I knew deep down that I needed to act.

“That person you brought into the world has the uncanny ability to trigger every emotion you’ve got—especially fear”

2. Fear Of Uncovering Uncomfortable Truths:

Sometimes I avoided looking too closely at a situation because I knew that acknowledging the truth would require making difficult choices. It feels easier to stay in the dark when the alternatives are overwhelming.

3. Fear Of Not Having The Perfect Solution:

I often felt paralyzed because I didn’t have a plan with a guaranteed outcome – the outcome I wanted. The idea of getting it wrong immobilized me.

4. Fear That My Actions Wouldn’t Make A Difference:

Doubt crept in frequently. I’d wonder if anything I did could change the situation or improve things for my child. Self-doubt became an excuse for inaction.

5. Fear Of Not Knowing How To Reach My Child:

Communicating effectively with a teen can feel like an uphill battle. The fear that I wouldn’t be able to connect could stop me in my tracks.

5 Steps To Understanding And Overcoming Parental Fears:

It’s important to realize that fear, while intense, is rarely rational. It’s a story you tell yourself and it prevents you from doing what’s best for both you and your child. The good news is that fear doesn’t have to immobilize you. Here’s how to begin shifting your perspective:

1. Acknowledge Your Fear:

The first step is simply admitting that fear exists. It’s okay to feel scared. Recognizing it allows you to address it and soothe it, rather than letting it drive your decisions.

2. Take Small Steps Despite The Fear:

You don’t have to overcome fear entirely to take action. Start with small steps, doable for you. The act of doing something, even the tiniest of actions, can begin to dissolve the fear.

3. Focus On The Long-Term Benefits:

Parenting decisions are hardest when we’re too focused on the immediate discomfort they may cause. Remember the bigger picture and the values you want to instill in your child.

“You don’t have to overcome fear entirely to take action. Start with small steps, doable for you“

4. Trust Your instincts:

 Even when fear is loud, your instincts as a parent are valuable. Don’t let the noise drown out your gut feelings; you know more than you think you do.

5. Accept That Perfection Isn’t Possible:

Fear thrives on the illusion that you must have a perfect solution. Parenting is filled with trial and error. It’s normal. Keep your eye on the learning rather than the need to get it exactly right.

The reality is that parenting is filled with uncertainty. You will make mistakes, fact obstacles and moments of self-doubt. But just as Susan Jeffers encourages, feel the fear—and do it anyway. 

The realistic goal is learning to co-exist with fear. The courage to act despite fear is often what makes the difference in raising confident and resilient kids. In this way, you model courage and perseverance for your child. You show them it’s okay to be scared and still possible to do what needs to be done.

Did you enjoy this article? Become a Kuel Life Member today to support our Community. Sign-up for our Sunday newsletter and get your content delivered straight to your inbox.

About the Author: