Midlife Shaman: Maria da Silva
Learning how to receive gracefully can be just as life-changing as learning how to give—and it may be the healing you didn’t know you needed.
The Grace in Giving – and Receiving
We celebrate giving as one of life’s highest callings. From childhood, we’re taught that to give is noble, generous, even sacred. We praise philanthropists, caregivers, and volunteers. We admire those who offer time, energy, or love to others. Giving, we say, makes us better people. And it does. But somewhere along the way, we forgot that receiving is equally divine.
Without someone willing to receive, giving cannot exist. The act of giving requires a counterpart—a heart open enough to say, yes, I’ll accept your help. Without the receiver, the giver’s intention has no destination, no completion. Every gift offered needs a landing place, a soft space where it can be received and appreciated.
Why Is Receiving So Uncomfortable?
Still, receiving can be uncomfortable. Many of us – especially women – are experts at giving and novices at receiving. We are quick to extend our hands, but slow to open them. We’ve been conditioned to equate receiving with weakness, dependency, or selfishness. We may think: I don’t want to be a burden. Others have it worse. I can manage on my own.
I know this because I’ve lived it.
When I was going through breast cancer treatment, I was surrounded by love. Friends offered rides, meals, prayers, and comfort. But in the beginning, I resisted. I wanted to be strong, to prove I could handle it. Accepting help felt like surrendering control. It took me months to realize that my resistance was robbing others of their own opportunity to give.
A Turning Point in My Healing
One day, a friend brought soup to my door. I started to say, “You shouldn’t have.” She smiled and said, “I wanted to.” I saw in her eyes the quiet joy of doing something meaningful. In that moment, I understood that receiving her kindness wasn’t selfish – it was sacred. It was my turn to let love flow toward me instead of always from me.
Receiving gracefully is an act of humility and trust. It says, I believe I am worthy of care. It honors the giver by acknowledging their generosity. And it creates balance – the kind of balance that keeps relationships alive and the world compassionate. As Brené Brown observes, vulnerability is the birthplace of connection and belonging.
How to Receive Gracefully: A Practice in Balance and Worthiness
When we only give, we risk depletion. We run on empty and call it strength. We wear our exhaustion like a badge of honor. But when we allow ourselves to receive – whether it’s help, love, or even a compliment – we refill the well. We give others the gift of being needed, of making a difference. We say, Your presence matters to me. Your presence matters in the world.
There is a beautiful reciprocity in this dance between giving and receiving. It’s not about keeping score, but about keeping flow. Energy, love, compassion – all need circulation to stay alive. Imagine a world where everyone gave but no one received; generosity would collapse under its own weight. Likewise, a world where everyone only received would drown in imbalance. The beauty lies in the exchange, the constant rhythm between offering and accepting.
Receiving Isn’t Always About Tangible Gifts
To receive doesn’t always mean taking something tangible. Sometimes it means receiving praise without deflecting it. When someone says, “You look wonderful,” instead of replying, “Oh, this old thing?” – try saying, “Thank you.” Or, “I appreciate it.” Let the compliment land. Let yourself absorb the goodness without guilt or explanation.
Receiving can also mean allowing joy back into your life after hardship. Letting the sunrise lift your heart. Accepting love after loss. Trusting that life still has gifts to give. In my own healing journey, I learned that saying yes – to hope, to laughter, to grace – was its own form of receiving. It was how I let life love me back.
The Inhale and Exhale of Human Connection
Giving and receiving are not opposites; they are extensions of one another. Like the inhalation and exhalation of breath, one cannot exist without the other. When we learn to do both with equal grace, we create a world of balance – where compassion circulates freely, and love never runs out.
As Brené Brown explains, allowing others to show up for us takes courage and vulnerability too.
And if you’re building your own practice of receiving, this 30 Days of Kindness and Gratitude challenge may help open your heart to both giving and receiving in simple, meaningful ways.
A Practice to Try
This week, notice how you respond when someone offers you something—a compliment, a helping hand, or a moment of kindness. Instead of brushing it off or saying, “You shouldn’t have,” pause and simply say, “Thank you.” Feel what it’s like to receive without apology or resistance.
And then, watch what happens. The giver’s smile. The warmth between you. The sense that something invisible yet powerful has passed between two hearts. That’s the beauty of the exchange – the quiet grace of giving and receiving.
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About the Author:
Maria da Silva is a practicing shaman, writer and traveler who lives in Plymouth, Massachusetts and travels frequently to her home islands of the Azores. The founder of Wise Shaman Within, she is bringing peace, healing, and light to the world one client and one workshop at a time. Maria provides individual client sessions and also facilitates workshops in both the USA and Portugal. Visit her website: Wise Shaman Within.
