Parent Coach for Moms of Teens: Fern Weis
It’s that season again: excitement about the prom is building… and so is the list of expenses, the largest of which is often the dress. Yikes! Could it really be an $800 prom dress?
Are you surprised by this number? Some of you are, some of you aren’t. (I haven’t had a child in HS in a long time, so this wasn’t on my radar).
Navigating Your Teen’s $800 Prom Dress Dilemma:
I heard a mom talking about her daughter finding the perfect dress, the $800 dress. From her tone, it was clear Mom was conflicted about it.
Here are some responses that come to mind:
- Yes. I can afford it, so why not?
- No, I can’t afford it. Period.
- ?? – I can afford it, but that sure is a lot of money for a one-event dress.
I had no idea about this family’s ability to pay for this dress, but the cost isn’t always the issue. Looking at this from a parenting perspective – not a financial decision – here are some things to consider.
(These suggestions are offered with the dress in mind and apply to other money matters as well. As you read, remember that preparation is key.)
Guidelines In Your Home:
What are the guidelines in your home about who pays for what?
If your daughter is expected to pay for the dress but that number is making you crazy, what is your role? You can lecture about moderation and how many hours it takes to earn that money, but it will fall on deaf ears.
She wants what (she thinks) everybody else is getting, and boy, “that dress really is beautiful, and it may be the only prom I ever go to!”
“You can lecture about moderation and how many hours it takes to earn that money, but it will fall on deaf ears.”
You can help her become aware that she’s making a choice today that will affect her spending options tomorrow.
Choices:
Making choices and living with the outcomes are important lessons. Maybe she can handle it all. And maybe one day you will gently have to say, “I’m sorry you don’t have money for ABC. What can you do now?”
Your Kids Are Resourceful:
If the money isn’t there and she doesn’t have time or opportunity to earn it soon enough, there are tons of options.
She’s grown up with a smart phone in her hand, and she knows how to use it. Knock-offs, sales, thrift stores, make your own. You’ve probably thought about every work-around; however, it’s more effective to let her figure it out.
Problem-solving 101 will serve her well today and years from now. When kids want something badly enough, they figure it out or change their plans.
What Expectations Or Limits Have You Discussed Beforehand?
This is the talk that ideally happens before any arrangements or purchases are made, but it’s never too late to have the talk. Your child will always do better when she knows what to expect. Even if she’s upset about the parameters, it gives her time and headspace to find a solution.
Are you feeling pressure (internal and/or external) to give your child ‘the experience of a lifetime?” Show me a parent who hasn’t felt that. And if you’re feeling the pressure, it’s a signal. Let’s explore it.
“Your child will always do better when she knows what to expect.”
What are your values and vision for the person she will become? Does she appreciate what is done for her and given to her? If she’s come to expect an ‘open wallet’ policy, how does that affect her attitude and behavior? Or does it?
Higher Purpose As A Parent:
If saying ‘yes’ feels right because she’s on track, doing and being all those things you value, then say ‘yes’. Go, do, buy and enjoy.
If you’re not thrilled about what you see, go back to the vision. Will saying ‘yes’ bring out the best in her, or more of that entitled attitude?
I’m not suggesting that you make this decision a battleground issue. This isn’t a fight for control. It’s an opportunity to teach your child and for you to learn, too… about preparation, integrity, and your higher purpose as a parent.
If this is a concern for you, are you ready to do this? You might jump right in, or this may not be the best time to work on it. If not, I encourage you to come back to these points. Use them to help you prepare for the next time. It won’t be the $800 prom dress again, but you know there will be a next time.
Did you enjoy this article? Become a Kuel Life Member today to support our Community. Sign-up for our Sunday newsletter and get your content delivered straight to your inbox.
About the Author:
Fern Weis is a Parent Empowerment Coach for Moms of Teens and a Family Recovery Coach. She’s also a wife, former middle school teacher, and the parent of two adult children who taught her more about herself than she ever could have imagined.
Fern partners with moms of teens and young adults, privately and in groups. She helps them grow their confidence to build strong relationships and emotionally healthier kids who become successful adults. She knows first-hand that when parents do the work, the possibilities for change are limitless; that it’s never too late to start; and you don’t have to do it alone. Learn more about Fern at www.fernweis.com. Schedule your complimentary Parent Support Call at https://calendly.com/talktofern/discovery-call.
There are 4 spots open for a Complimentary Parent Support Call in February. Schedule yours here: https://calendly.com/talktofern/discovery-call. Your teen is waiting for you to step up.
