Sexuality Expert: Beth Keil
How often do you say “yes”, when you want to say “no”?
When you compromise, do you wonder, “When will I have what I need the way that I need it? Are you even clear about what you need, want, and desire?
“Many of us were admonished or even punished for being selfish when we didn’t share.”
To Get Along You Need To Share, Whether You Want To Or Not!
From a young age, you were taught how to share, from siblings to friends. Many of us were admonished or even punished for being selfish when we didn’t share.
This Set You Up To Compromise, Another Form Of Sharing:
Sharing became a way to be good and gain approval. When you’re very young, being liked and part of the group, is important; in essence, it means you’ll be included, and in turn, be taken care of. When you think of it, it was a way to survive!
People-Pleaser In Training:
To stay liked, you always need to know what the other person is thinking. This is how so many people lose themselves in relationships – pleasing others while losing themselves. In the process, you can end up settling for less.
“Society would have you believe it’s what people who are really in love with each other do for one another.”
Do You Silence Your Own Voice For The Sake Of Connection And Love?
On the surface, compromise can sound like a good thing. It can be seen as an equitable way to resolve an issue, particularly in a relationship, as each person gives something up. Society would have you believe it’s what people who are really in love with each other do for one another.
Compromise Can Be Poisonous To Love, Intimacy, And Passion!
I’ve heard many women speak of the differences they and their partner or spouse experience in regards to their sexual needs and desires. If one person enjoys and needs more sexual intimacy and connection, how do you compromise?
A question to ask is, at what point can resignation and dissatisfaction set in when you feel like you’re settling?
Remember, being a people pleaser will get you nowhere, as you’re not showing up as you in your relationship. Judging yourself or your partner, will not get anywhere either. Shame and guilt shut down the vulnerability and openness needed for highly personal and sensitive conversations.
“In fact, it’s a way to celebrate the uniqueness of two independent souls!”
There’s Another Way To Work Through This And Other Issues – COLLABORATION:
When you collaborate, you aren’t coming from the premise that you have to give something up. In fact, it’s a way to celebrate the uniqueness of two independent souls! Notice the difference in these synonyms (Merriam-Webster dictionary):
Compromise: negotiate, concession, give-and-take
Collaborate: concur, cooperate, team (up), and unite
Which Will Enhance The Connection And Sexual Intimacy In Your Relationship?
What you choose, and how you do it, is unique to you and your partner. There are no one-size-fits-all solution. If you want a deeper conversation, schedule your Discovery Call, a 30-minute phone conversation; the details are below.
Here’s to Aphrodite Rising!
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About the Author:
Beth Keil helps her clients change and transform their lives. She offers a special focus on helping people claim the birthright of their erotic identity and to live in the joy, intimacy, and connection it brings. Beth is a Registered Nurse, MindSet Coach, and a Board Certified Hypnotist. Through her work, she enjoys integrating all her interests, experiences, and skills to bring sensuality, sex, and the erotic into greater awareness and conversation. You can schedule a 30-minute complimentary phone consultation with Beth using the Discovery Session icon.
Yes, Beth! I especially enjoyed our conversation. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with stating what I need and asking for it. Because, really, happiness is not found while simply hoping that others give us what we need. You have to actively seek it – – and taking those first steps have already paid dividends:)
Hi, Maria!
Being clear about what we need, then making it known, are important parts of the process of being known in a relationship. Having the awareness of many ways of how we can create together, is mastery!
I’m so glad this was meaningful to you, Jessica! There is something about being aware and creating/supporting creativity and teamwork! Every month is a new blog, and if there’s an area or issue you’d want to read more about, please let me know!
All the best!
Beth
I’m so glad this was meaningful to you, Jessica! There is something about being aware and creating/supporting creativity and teamwork! Every month is a new blog, and if there’s an area or issue you’d want to read more about, please let me know!
All the best!
Beth
I’ve found this to be true too – that when you compromise, especially around issues that are important to you, that it erodes your relationship. Often, as women, we even do this silently, so the other person doesn’t even know what we’ve given up! Great topic and once that we could use more on. Especially how one might collaborate instead in such situations. Thanks Beth.
I always say Compromise – when neither party wins…. I agree with you 100%…. Beth is incredibly insightful. We are very lucky to have her on the Kuel Life roster.
Hi, Kallie, and thank you for your contribution to this conversation!
In a subsequent conversation on Clubhouse about this, it’s was interesting that women always referred to compromise as giving-up some aspect of themselves; a man who was there (Clubhouse is an online chat platform) didn’t, and came from a different perspective/view.
This difference in perspective says something about relationship dynamics between women and men, and worthy of more conversation (and another blog!), as is your suggestion of how do we collaborate when this dynamic is at play.
I look forward to reading future comments on other blogs from you!
Beth
Love it, Beth…creativity and teamwork is always a more enlivening place to come from than individuals chipping away at their own unique desires!!! More please :o)