Parent Coach for Moms of Teens: Fern Weis
Learning how to respond to criticism is a vital part of building emotional intelligence—especially when the feedback feels more like a personal attack.
You’ve heard the phrase, “If the shoe fits, wear it.” But at Hyde School, there’s an even better version: “If the shoe fits, wear it. If not, throw it away.”
This is all about how we react when someone offers feedback—especially the kind we don’t want to hear. Sometimes it feels like a personal attack, whether it’s meant that way or not. So, what do you do when someone hands you a “shoe” that doesn’t feel right?
There are two common, yet unhealthy, ways we tend to respond to criticism. I know which one I fall into. Do you see yourself in either of these?
How to Respond to Criticism–Two Common But Unhealthy Reactions:
1. The Aggressive Response:
This person rejects criticism outright. The moment something uncomfortable is said, they become defensive and may even lash out. They insist, “That’s not true,” or “You’re one to talk!” Instead of pausing for reflection, they go on the offensive, often flipping the blame back onto the other person. Unfortunately, this only escalates tension and erodes trust in relationships.
2. The Passive Response:
This personality type absorbs nearly every comment as truth, whether it’s accurate or not. They internalize the judgment, quietly concluding they’re not good enough. Rather than defend themselves, they retreat and ruminate. Their emotional self-worth takes a hit, and resentment simmers below the surface.
Though they react differently, both types struggle with the same issue: a fragile ego. Neither approach promotes growth or healthy communication. Instead, self-esteem declines, and relationships suffer.
I was a classic Type Two. If someone said something critical, I immediately believed it was true and shut down. Slowly, I’ve learned not to let every opinion define me. It’s taken time and effort, but I now pause, reflect, and respond differently.
4 Ways To Build Emotional Intelligence:
Whether you lean aggressive or passive, here are four ways to build emotional intelligence and respond more productively when feedback comes your way:
1. Thanks For Sharing. I’ll Think About What You Said.
This simple phrase creates space. It diffuses tension and signals that you’re open to listening—even if you’re not ready to accept the feedback yet.
2. I Am Not Responsible For Someone Else’s Thoughts Or Feelings.
You can’t carry everyone else’s emotions. Often, their reaction has more to do with them than you.
3. If It’s True, It’s Just One Part Of Who I Am:
No single comment defines your worth. It may reveal a flaw—but that’s not the whole story.
4. What Can I Learn From This?
Whether the feedback is accurate or not, there’s value in the moment. Take the lesson, leave the rest.
And remember, tone matters. If you need to share hard truths with someone, do it with concern and care—not accusation. When kindness leads, communication improves.
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About the Author:
Fern Weis is a Parent Empowerment Coach for Moms of Teens and a Family Recovery Coach. She’s also a wife, former middle school teacher, and the parent of two adult children who taught her more about herself than she ever could have imagined.
Fern partners with moms of teens and young adults, privately and in groups. She helps them grow their confidence to build strong relationships and emotionally healthier kids who become successful adults. She knows first-hand that when parents do the work, the possibilities for change are limitless; that it’s never too late to start; and you don’t have to do it alone. Learn more about Fern at www.fernweis.com. Schedule your complimentary Parent Support Call at https://calendly.com/talktofern/discovery-call. Ready for support? Apply for a complimentary 30-minute Parent Discovery Call at https://calendly.com/talktofern/discovery-call.
