I Have Never Waited So Long Nor Traveled So Far For A Prick

Yesterday I spent the better half of my day in a car anticipating and then, relishing my acquisition of a prick. Yes, you read that correctly.

I have been eagerly anticipating this particular prick for months. Almost every woman covets one, no matter the circumstances. For that matter, not a few men are chomping at the bit for their prick.

“No amount of batting eyelashes or stiletto heels will get you one.”

This particular prick, long awaited for by so many, is persnickety. Never before have I been told by a prick that I was too young, too healthy, or too thin. But this one has a lot of rules. No amount of batting eyelashes or stiletto heels will get you one. And, you can’t pick one up at a bar. Not that many bars are open and hopping with action these days. 

I hustled to find my prick online. Currently in short supply near me, I expanded my pool. While back in my online-dating days I wouldn’t meet anyone outside a 30 mile radius, I willingly searched well outside my zip code for this prick. And while I couldn’t find my prick on OK Cupid or Tinder, I did get “hooked up” through a friend. Isn’t that always the best way?

For those of you who don’t know me, I am not a big fan of long car drives. Some of my friends complain because they can’t get me to leave my neighborhood for much of anything. But this elusive, hard-won moment provided much excitement and longing, and was well worth the trip. I’ve been dreaming and yearning for my rendezvous for months now.

For the last few weeks, my friends and colleagues have unabashedly shared the details of their prick. The when and where. Curiosity piqued, I asked them all. Did the prick hurt much? Were there lingering side effects? Universally, even if there were some less-than-desired effects, they were received gleefully. Yes, this prick can cause unwanted short-term effects. At least there’s no morning sickness and no future college tuition to save for from indulging.

Before anyone gets out of joint, I took my family with me. I am not selfish. We all piled in the car together, excited for the opportunity. I admit that unlike previous brushes with pricks, the brevity of this experience was actually greatly appreciated. It was over before I knew it….. This time, however, it was welcomed.

“this is one of those prick tête-à-têtes that I love to commiserate about with all”

I am thankful for the well-oiled highly efficient system, delivering those precious vaccines. The notion that I am now one step closer to my passport fills me with hope. I find myself glowing in the aftermath. If only I smoked.

This prick is special in many ways. No jealousy or desire to keep it all to myself with this one. I am happy to share my prick with everyone — women and men. Of course, one at a time. The special moment between me and my prick is one I cherish. As a matter of fact, this is one of those prick tête-à-têtes that I love to commiserate about with all. 

Hard to believe I have to wait a whole three weeks to get another prick. And yes, I will gladly drive however far and publicly get my second prick with a smile on my lips and a skip in my step.