Blueprint Breaker: Amy Palmer
Let’s debunk the myths about childless women.
All this talk in recent weeks about “childless cat ladies” has people openly commenting and speculating on what it means to be a woman without children.
Women Without Children:
Once again, people are defining what is considered “valuable” or “not valuable” in this world. Women without children are being described as “miserable”, or as having “less of a stake in the future of our country”.
Admittedly, I do not have cats, but I am a woman without children. I still struggle with the terms “childless” or “childfree” as I am not sure which, if either, fits me. I will not presume to speak on behalf of all women who don’t have kids, but I can share what I’ve learned and I’ve heard from countless women.
“I still struggle with the terms “childless” or “childfree” as I am not sure which, if either, fits me.”
4 Childless Women Myths Debunked:
1. Childless Women Are Not Miserable:
We experience as much joy, as much sorrow, as much love, as much grief, and as much happiness as women who are mothers. True, many of us experience miserable seasons in our lives, but I also suspect that much of that misery is caused by the burden placed on us that we have failed in fulfilling our societal expectations.
2. Childless Women Are Not Selfish:
For those who have chosen to not have children, often that decision is the most selfless decision they can make. I used to think that mothers were inherently selfless, until I learned that isn’t necessarily the case. Sometimes the decision to become a mother is rooted in selfish reasons. So let’s just agree that we are equally human and not perfect, but no more flawed than those who procreate.
3. Childless Women Have No Stake In The Future:
I could list dozens (or hundreds) of women who have devoted their lives to the betterment of the younger generations, the future of our planet, education, healthcare, etc. Less of a stake than those who have children? I think I care as deeply about the future for my niece and nephews and their children as anyone else in my family. Even if I didn’t have them, my spiritual and empathetic heart causes me to deeply care about our collective future as humans.
“The “aunties”, the “mentors”, the “teachers”- we have crafted our own sense of family and love.“
4. Childless Women Will Have No One To Take Care Of Us When We Are Old:
Well, frankly, those who have children do not really have any guarantees that their children will be caregivers either. Women without children have usually fostered deep connections with people in their lives whom they love. The “aunties”, the “mentors”, the “teachers”- we have crafted our own sense of family and love.
Let’s Stop The Assumptions Made About Childless Women:
All this to say- can we focus on our commonalities? No matter which life path we are on, let’s stop the assumptions, the judgment and the pity for someone who is on a different path. Collectively, as women, we are immensely powerful when we come together. When we work together toward a common vision there is no end to what we can achieve. How about we just love, listen to, and support each other and see where that takes us?
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About the Author:
As host and facilitator for the Blueprint Breaker podcast, Amy A. Palmer is dedicated to expanding and amplifying the voices of women over 45 who are living a “non-traditional” lifestyle.
After a lifelong struggle with feeling “outside” the societal norm and longing to live up to perceived expectations, Amy has found peace, acceptance, and joy as she embarks on the next era of her life. Amy was formerly a senior corporate executive, a nationally recognized sales and operations expert, an award-winning actress, a resident of 13 different US cities, and a prize-winning DC blogger.
Amy has a vast network of friends and colleagues with whom she enjoys travel and adventures and a close family including six niblings (nieces & nephews), the loves of her life!
