Parent Coach for Moms of Teens: Fern Weis
As a parent coach for teens, I’m frequently asked how to improve relationships with your teens. And, like it or not, I lead with showing them vulnerabilty.
Being vulnerable can feel like walking into a trap. Share your true self and you risk criticism, negative consequences, and rejection. It’s all about trust. If I don’t feel safe with you, all those risks seem not just possible, but likely. And when I hesitate to share my most personal thoughts, it usually traces back to early childhood.
Mom was the emotional anchor in my family, the one open to deep conversations. She had dreamed of becoming a psychologist, so this came naturally. Dad, however, kept many feelings to himself. Expressing emotions wasn’t done in his family, and he often struggled to understand his highly sensitive daughter.
“The second reason vulnerability feels so dangerous? Self-worth issues.”
The Second Reason for Vulnerability:
Despite my promise to be different, I unconsciously mirrored that guarded behavior, keeping my feelings to myself around him—and, later, in other relationships, including my marriage.
In our early years, my husband jokingly called me “the turtle,” retreating into me during and after conflicts. It was funny, but also painful. Being honest about my feelings felt too risky. The second reason vulnerability feels so dangerous? Self-worth issues.
The fear of rejection and the craving for approval are powerful influencers. They shaped much of my life, though I’m proud to say their grip on me is fading. You see, when you’re desperate to be liked, you say and do things just to get approval, even at the cost of being your true self.
You start hiding parts of yourself. And that’s not real connection—especially when you withhold pieces of yourself from the people you love most. You end up keeping people in your life who may not truly belong there. And you unintentionally push away the people you love, eroding the closeness you crave.
How To Improve Relationships With Your Teens:
But here’s the truth: being vulnerable, when it’s done thoughtfully and in a safe space, is one of the greatest gifts you can offer yourself and others. I especially believe in being vulnerable with our teens. They need it from us more than you realize.
“Sharing your struggles doesn’t weaken your authority as a parent.”
Sharing your struggles doesn’t weaken your authority as a parent. If anything, it strengthens your relationship and helps them grow.
7 Reasons Why Sharing Your Struggles With Your Teen Works:
- Opening up about challenges, past and present, shows you trust them with this part of yourself.
- It makes you more approachable and relatable.
- They’ll better understand who you are, beyond just the role of “parent.”
- You show up as imperfect and fallible. It helps them see you as human, and more than an authority figure. You become multi-dimensional and lovable.
- Vulnerability reveals that growth and change are lifelong processes.
- It gives them hope that change is possible for them, too.
- If you can trust them with your truth, they may begin to trust you with theirs.
Did you enjoy this article? Become a Kuel Life Member today to support our Community. Sign-up for our Sunday newsletter and get your content delivered straight to your inbox.
About the Author:
Fern Weis is a Parent Empowerment Coach for Moms of Teens and a Family Recovery Coach. She’s also a wife, former middle school teacher, and the parent of two adult children who taught her more about herself than she ever could have imagined.
Fern partners with moms of teens and young adults, privately and in groups. She helps them grow their confidence to build strong relationships and emotionally healthier kids who become successful adults. She knows first-hand that when parents do the work, the possibilities for change are limitless; that it’s never too late to start; and you don’t have to do it alone. Learn more about Fern at www.fernweis.com. Schedule your complimentary Parent Support Call at https://calendly.com/talktofern/discovery-call.
If you’re ready to stop collecting parenting information and move to action and implementation, the Moms’ Circle is your next best step. For information on this small group coaching program, contact Fern.
