Parent Coach for Moms of Teens: Fern Weis
“Am I giving my teen too much?” It’s a question many parents quietly ask themselves, especially when their teen seems ungrateful or entitled despite receiving so much.
There was a time when my husband and I would turn to each other and say, “After all we’ve done for this child, this is the thanks we get?” Sound familiar? I now recognize the flawed thinking behind those words.
Am I Giving My Teen Too Much Or Is This True Generosity:
Vacations. Private lessons. Trendy sneakers. Starbucks runs. The latest device. Your time and energy. In many homes, kids grow up believing that their every desire should be met. Your “yes” becomes their expectation. They know how to wear you down, or simply ask, and receive, often with no boundaries in place. And because you love them, you want to give.
But here’s the issue: even if you don’t mean to, your giving often carries hidden strings. You may not realize you have expectations until you start feeling hurt, frustrated, or unappreciated. Suddenly it dawns on you: your child takes what you offer for granted. And when the gratitude doesn’t show up? You’re left asking yourself, Why did I do all this in the first place?
True generosity doesn’t come with conditions. No silent deals. No “I give, so you should…” outcomes. Pure giving means expecting nothing in return. And that’s no small feat, especially when your teen’s attitude leaves a lot to be desired.
Let’s be honest: we all crave acknowledgment. We want to feel seen, respected, and appreciated. That’s not weakness, it’s being human. And as parents, we often express our love through giving. It feels good to provide. But if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll notice that your giving is sometimes driven by a need for validation or a hope that your child will act a certain way in return.
When “Thank You” Isn’t Enough: Signs You May Be Giving Your Teen Too Much:
Many parents tell me that they don’t just want a simple “thank you.” They long for signs of maturity: a more respectful attitude, increased effort, or helpfulness at home. These silent expectations are the emotional strings we rarely talk about. They creep in and grow heavy over time. And when your child doesn’t meet them, your reaction may be stronger than expected.
That’s why it’s essential to check in with yourself. Before you give or do for your child, ask: What’s my real motivation here? If you’re hoping for something in return, consider whether it’s better to draw a clear boundary or set a reasonable expectation rather than give freely and become resentful later.
If You’re Covering the Cost of Those Sneakers… Are You Giving Your Teen Too Much?
Even if you can afford them, think about inviting your child to share the responsibility.
“This is how much I’m willing to contribute toward the sneakers. If you want something more expensive, you’ll need to cover the difference.”
This small shift does a lot. Some teens will step up and problem-solve. Others may resist, especially if they’re used to getting things easily. But requiring buy-in supports a bigger lesson: accountability. You’re helping your child learn to earn, contribute, and take ownership; skills they’ll need long after they leave home.
So how much giving is too much? How do you know when generosity becomes enabling?
Here’s the real question to ask: Is this for my child’s growth, or is it to make me feel like a good parent? If your giving is more about your own feelings than your child’s development, it’s time to reassess.
Your job is to raise capable, resilient young adults. And sometimes, saying no, or attaching responsibility to a yes, is the most generous thing you can do.
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About the Author:
Fern Weis is a Parent Empowerment Coach for Moms of Teens and a Family Recovery Coach. She’s also a wife, former middle school teacher, and the parent of two adult children who taught her more about herself than she ever could have imagined.
Fern partners with moms of teens and young adults, privately and in groups. She helps them grow their confidence to build strong relationships and emotionally healthier kids who become successful adults.
She knows first-hand that when parents do the work, the possibilities for change are limitless; that it’s never too late to start; and you don’t have to do it alone. Learn more about Fern at www.fernweis.com. Schedule your complimentary Parent Support Call at https://calendly.com/talktofern/discovery-call. Ready for support? Apply for a complimentary 30-minute Parent Discovery Call at https://calendly.com/talktofern/discovery-call.
